The Anti-Christ Watch

Fall Out Boy. ALL OF THEM. How can they create such catchy hooks? It must be the devil.

Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. The students of Texas A&M loved him. The joint chiefs are falling head over heels over him.

A loveable ex-CIA director? Or is it something in his aftershave, eau de Beast?

Peter Jennings: certainly you will point out that he is in fact no longer alive but don't let this dull your awareness of him as the antithesis to the son of God as Tim Lahaye makes it clear that the anti-christ will rise from the dead proving once and for all Satan's power to create life. His specials on "In search of Jesus" speak of the Messiah in academic terms and all good evangelicals know that academically studying Jesus is in direct opposition of the Bible. We aren't supposed to think about things, faith is blind and should remain that way for the sake of us all. Lastly when Jennings passed away he was old but appeared to be 35. He never aged, neither did Nicolai Carpathia the prototype for any future antichrist. Jennings, I have my eye on you.

How do Donald Miller and Jordan Green know so much? Is this some sort of smoke screen ... I have been reading some of Donald's books lately ... well, at least reading quotes from them on some very Godly websites ... pretty sketchy stuff. Do we really know this guy? I have never seen him with his shoes and socks off ... hiding the cloven hooves perhaps? I'm not sure what his middle name is but Donald and Miller both have 6 letters so I am pretty sure his middle name might be Adolph.

Taking Dr. House out of the mix because he may be fictional has also messed up my belief that Yoda is for sure the anti-christ ... so that leaves Donald "Adolph" Miller.

I don't know, from where I stand (canada) george bush is still looking pretty scary. When a dude like that can get re-elected, you know there's some sort of otherworldly charm going on.

I'm casting my vote for either Chad Gibbs. Only the anti-Christ could make us laugh so much at the way he turns a catchy phrase....

But then there's Stephen Colbert & Bill O'Reilly? One of them HAS to be the anti-Christ!

I think it's the most recent dude from The Bachelor. I have no idea why though. He's just really charming. And I'm pretty sure he worships Satan.

The yellow Wiggle.

Someone literally told me around three days ago that they would never vote for Barack Obama, and that they think he might be the anti-christ.

Funny Stuff.

I think you forgot to mention Rob Bell, and I think we all know why. Haha. Yeh I have heard that one many atime.

I've always wondered....does the antichrist know he's the antichrist? Because if he doesn't then it takes this guy out of the running.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/02/16/miami.preacher/index.html

J&D,

I have not read your article in its entirety.

However, I would like to thank you for introducing me to this "Left Behind" book. I went to Borders and was surprised to find that they had it! Who would have thought that a book teaching God's truth in such plain language carried by an astonishingly compelling narrative would be available in a worldly establishment like Borders.

Anyhow, there were 14 books in the series and I've made it through the first 9 (had to pause for a shower; the neighbors were complaining). After beginning this comment, I (wisely) decided to read your article in its entirety and can no longer endorse your work due to its grave factual, theological, and pop-cultural errors. I encourage you to purchase the collector's set on credit from a large suburban bookseller - say, the B&N in Tigard. The prophesies listed in these books are being fulfilled in our midst; you positively must check them out. I bought mine with a handy payment chip embedded in my index finger instead of a regular Visa, but gouged it out as I read. I have never felt more alive.

Here is what I have learned about Antichrist:

1) He will have a snazzy name that immediately inspires a sense of mystery and contemplation upon its recititation. That eliminates Bruckheimer, Meyer, and Jon Stewart.

2) He will be white, but of uncertain national origin. Definitely not American. Probably a secularized post-modern pseudo-nation like Canada, Britain, or Sweden. I don't know what post-modern means, but it scares me more than those liberals that insist on turning "hell" into words I don't understand like gehenna, tartarus, hades, and sheol. This eliminates Barack Obama (c'mon, that one was too easy), House, Dick Cheney, Vice President Bush, Petroski, and Chad.

3) He will be a "he." That excludes Katie and Hillary...unless one of them has one hell of a surprise hidden up their...sleeve?

4) I believe that the cop was protecting us from Jordan, so he is out.

5) That leaves Bono and Chris Martin. Chris Martin cannot be the Antichrist because he has a Bacon number of 3, which is also the number of the Trinity. Gwyneth Paltrow was in Shakespeare in Love (1998) with Colin Firth. Colin Firth was in Where the Truth Lies (2005) with Kevin Bacon.

6) So we're down to Bono. We've got an awe-inspiring name, mythical Western European origin, uhh...seed, a man who has done nothing to keep Jordan off the road, and he's not married to Gwyneth Paltrow. Something to think about.

Anyhow, I've gotta go. I'm going to listen to the 156 U2 songs on my iPod and delete them as they finish playing. That gives me eleven hours, forty minutes, and twenty-five seconds to finish reading the last five books in the series. I sure hope the rapture doesn't come before I get done...I want to see how it all ends.

Keep watching!

I, like Kaj, immediately thought of Donald Miller, but isn't the anti-christ supposed to be all handsome and suave? So...

Now I'm thinking it's MySpace. I know it's not technically a person, but I think my friends love it more than they love me. And according to my Grandma, computers are gettin' smarter every day...

Oh, and you might want to check out this guy:

Pastor with 666 Tattoo Claims to be Divine.

From CNN: "The Antichrist is not the devil, de Jesus tells his congregation; he's the being who replaces Jesus on Earth.

'Antichrist is the best person in the world,' he says."

It's only natural that something like this would pop up just after I hit "post."

Cheers!

Really funny stuff, guys.

I have to admit, my unadulterated love for all things Obama has been a tiny bit hampered by my highschool faith's quest to be ever-vigilant against the rise of the anti-christ! :P

One word: Oprah

Thank you, Lindsey. I cannot imagine why they would leave Oprah off this list. Especially in light of her support of The Secret recently, I believe that at least one-third of Los Angeles County has already started believing Oprah has caught a hold of "divine" revelation.

Then again, if an American talk show host is to become the anti-Christ, I believe Tyra Banks is the front-runner. Wow, she sure did show those gossip columnists, didn't she? Plus, the world, except the Arab countries, loves super-models, which gives us plenty fuel for an all-out war.

Whoever the anti-Christ is, he'll have to control the minds of our youth. That is why I've got my eye on Mr. Rogers. I have a theory that he will rise from the grave in November of 2008, just as a Jesus-hating Democrat gets elected as the United States of America. Shortly after, Jesus will come down and plant a series of bombs around the white house, where Mr. Rogers will live and serve as the Secretary of Truthiness. This will rid the world of the evil liberal force. Then the Church shall build the ancient walls that Jesus meant to build around America, keeping immigrants from the South at bay.

I don't know about you, but I'm still waiting for Mikhail Gorbachev to come out of hiding, what with that mark of the devil and everything.

I think you have to take into account two independent sources: People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive (currently George Clooney), and Time magazine's person of the year (currently you). Now, considering that George Clooney has a Bacon code of 6, and you (no matter who you are) have a Bacon Code of no more than 6, that's a lot of sixes floating around Kevin Bacon's head. Bacon, of course, isn't kosher, but it casts a hypnotic spell over anybody within smelling distance of it. And his wife stars in The Closer, which suggests that the end has a Bacon factor of 1. So it seems clear to me, at least, that Kevin Bacon remains the anti-Christ--or, at least, that Kevin Bacon has a pretty good chance of having worked with him.

Wow, funny stuff, love the comments. However, I was horrified when I clicked on the Relevant link posted in the article with regard to Bono and there was actually an article suggesting Bono is the antiChrist. WOW. I feel really sad that I subscribed to Relevant at one time...

Jerry Bruckheimer? There is no way. Love, Dad

I'm keeping my eye on Jerry Falwell.

Don't forget about that Mary J. Blige. I'm confident she's cast an evil spell on all the folks who think she's the greatest singer of our time.

Oh, and those wicked Dixie Chicks...

We're all screwed.

while reading your article i immediately thougt of 1 person: Jeff Probst. Think about it. This guy has played the role of judge, jury, and executioner for almost 10 years now. Snuffing out people's fires at tribal council, right after telling them that fire represents life? He's a quasi-murderer. And you know that when he says "I'll go tally the votes" what he means is "I'll go rig the votes to kick off who i want to because I run this show...and I will someday rule the world".

The only reason i think he might not be the anti-christ is because he wears a necklace during most episodes of Survivor and there's no way in hades that the anti-christ wears a necklace.

anyway, keep an eye on him...

Thanks for making me nearly burst out in laughter in the library. I would cast my vote at Jack Bauer, I think. He's very well liked, very good at fighting terrorism (our number one political concern in this day and age), and he has no need for sleep. Oh and if anyone were to have a large scepter, it would probably be him.

As an avid Dallas Cowboys fan (which must make me a saint), i must agree that Urban Meyer would be a saint if he coached the Cowboys. We are, in fact, America's team, and America is, in fact, God's country, so the Cowboys are God's team. Pretty simple.

I suspect that Tony Romo could be the AntiChrist after fumbling that snap on the PAT.

God bless the Dallas Cowboys!!

Maybe a long shot, but have you guys heard of a guy named Donald Miller? Wrote some book about jazz. I hear he's a heretic with quite a following.

You can never be too careful when it comes to these things.

As I've read this article and the comments I have noticed that one person is missing from the list. It could be the fact that no one dare speak his name for fear of taking a roundhouse to the back of the head or that we simply don't want to believe it, but what about Chuck Norris? I mean the guy can beat up at least four guys at once, in slow motion at that, and if he wanted he could probably be president. Plus according to my tv he is a Texas Ranger. I'm just saying...

In a book I own entitled, "101 Things to do During a Dull Sermon", there is a cool find-a-word puzzle called 'Find the name of the anti-Christ'. I have been working on this for about 20 years now and I am pretty sure I am getting close to a conclusion. I have narrowed it down to Razqul or Flitspa. Now we just have to wait for someone with either of those names to turn up and we'll be on to them like white on rice.

On a separate note, the book also contains a fun game called 'The Ananias and Sapphira List'. In this you have to write a list of the names of those in your church most likely to be struck down during the offering. Food for thought...

You are all wrong. The anti-christ has to be one of the New York yankees. After all, they are evil incarnate, what with all that money and all.

Ok...I have changed my mind...I think Microsoft is the antiChrist. I know its a company, but it controls my life and it makes me do things that I don't want to do like download 'patches' and 'updates'. At present I am doing a checkdisk on my laptop (I am on my husband's laptop) and so far it has been half an hour and it is still going...
It is truly torment. Maybe they are brainwashing us and we don't even know it. Sometimes I feel compelled to get Microsoft Vista because it will solve all of my problems...

It's totally this kid Gregory R. Smith. I saw him on Oprah (who's the whore of Babylon, by the way, not the anti-Christ ;-) years ago, and he CREEPS ME OUT! Check him out...

http://www.starwheels.com/starwheels/content/view/80/

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/local/daily/sept99/greg7.htm

my vote is for geraldo. it's the mustache.

My money's on Pat Robertson. Who better to distract millions of Christians from following Christ? What better smokescreen than to point the Apocalyptic finger elsewhere? How more godlike can one be than to call for the assassination of world leaders?

My aunt thinks it's going to be this shadowy European guy named something like Javier Salinas, but I can't seem to dig up anything on him via google. Hmmm.... suspicious.

(For the record, I don't really have anything against Pat Robertson, I was just trying to be clever to impress Don. [Hi, Don. I'm coming out from Ohio to Portland in May so I can stalk you. Er, I mean, visit some friends. Would you be so kind as to give me your home address? It would make the stalking much easier.])

(For the record, I have no intention of stalking Don Miller. Because I won't have a car.)

I ve reading some comments that not match with the anti-christ profile, acording with the Scriptures.
For example, Bono cannot be the anti-christ. Why?, read this. 1 John 4:1-3:

1 Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world

2 By this you know the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is of God,

3 and every spirit that does not confess that[a] Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard was coming, and is now already in the world.

Bono has confessed that he believes in Jesus and he believes Jesus took his sins.

Here is a fragment of an interview with Bono, march 2004
Bono: "...I'm holding out for Grace. I'm holding out that Jesus took my sins onto the Cross, because I know who I am, and I hope I don't have to depend on my own religiosity."

Bono :"...The point of the death of Christ is that Christ took on the sins of the world, so that what we put out did not come back to us, and that our sinful nature does not reap the obvious death.That's the point. It should keep us humbled? . It's not our own good works that get us through the gates of heaven"

The anti-christ can NEVER confess that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh and Jesus is the savior of the humanity. Satan cannot accept the victory that Jesus won and Satan cannot accept that he was defeated.

Bono in Sunday Bloody Sunday says:
"The real battle yet begun, I ll claim the victory Jesus won"

Then, THE ANTI-CHRIST CANNOT BE A PERSON THAT CONFESSES JESUS WON.

Luke chapter11:16-18

16 Others, testing Him, sought from Him a sign from heaven. 17 But He, knowing their thoughts, said to them: Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and a house divided against a house falls. 18 If Satan also is divided against himself, how will his kingdom stand?

A kingdom divided cannot go ahead, the anti-christ never will declare Jesus won.

Rodolfo,

Wow! Great job on Bible research.

For the record, we don't actually think Bono is the anti-Christ. In fact, we're kind of making fun of people who do.

A quick aside: the lyrics of "Sunday Bloody Sunday" are not "The real battle yet begun/I'LL claim the victory Jesus won". The actual lyrics are, "The real battle yet begun/TO claim the victory Jesus won". Honestly, your way sounds a little creepy and sort of undermines your point.

I'm coming into the conversation a little late, but I'll put my money(surely of no use in end-times anyway) on Patrick Stewart. The man speaks with a British accent and rather vociferously, battles upper echelon bad guys even though he's crippled(well, as Charles Xavier, but was a little TOO good at that role), is attractive(ask TV Guide circa 1992 who was voted 'sexiest man of the year'), and played in the movie The Doctor and the Devils, which has the word "devils" in it.

In continuation with the proposal that one Patrick Stewart is the anti-christ, while over in London for a semester, I had the displeasure of watching him in his "greatest form": Shakespeare. He played both Prospero from "The Tempest" and the character of Antony in "Antony and Cleopatra." For those of you unfamiliar, Prospero is a said wizard of sorts. He conjures spells, controls the weather, and enjoys harming people. All under pretense to his poor and unsuspecting daughter. This sounds quite anti-christ to me. And as for Antony. Well, the man's voraciously charged libido is enough to put him on the list for this End Times "deceiver." So there you have it...Patrick Stewart: playing both a sorcerer and a fornicator. HMM...but is he playing?

You are all so close but not there....Its Tony Blair.......European coalition........house on hill in Isreal that it its him.........watch......when you see Pakistan happy its alll over.

I'm going with Stephen Colbert.

Maybe its Brian McLaren....he is challenging everyone to a "New" kind of Christianity which must mean a radical spiritual coup leaving him as the red hatted Pope of the Emergent Church.

rob

IT'S PRINCE CHARLES.
IT'S PRINCE CHARLES.
IT'S PRINCE CHARLES.
He's incredibly wealthy. You have probably eaten bread from his grain.
He has become a Muslim.
He has all the images mentioned in Revelation, including a saying worshiping Satan, carved into his throne.
He claims to be decended from King David.
Prince Charles of Wales, adds up to 666 in numerology.
He is incredibly vain.
He is someone who the whole world would want as a king.
Three is just one thing confuses me.. I thought the Antichrist might be good looking!
Perhaps he can get one of those extreme makeovers, or else when Satan enters him, maybe some of his original beauty might come through?

IT'S BEGUN...
"Prince Charles Speaks In Abu Dhabi Via Hologram"
Prince Charles gave a speech at the World Energy Summit in Abu Dhabi even though he wasn't there. Instead, a 3-D hologhraphic projection of the Prince, recorded in the United Kingdom last year.
"And he had power to give life unto the image of the beast, that the image of the beast should both speak, and cause that as many as would not worship the image of the beast should be killed." Revelation 13:15
Jacqie