Father’s Day
My dad and I have only grown closer. During the separation and divorce and in the years to follow, he claims that my sisters and I taught him as much, if not more than he taught us. That’s partly his intrinsic humility talking, but completely truth. I think that’s the remarkable thing - for as my sisters and I were growing physically and intellectually, he was growing as well. We matured together in faith and wisdom, though his capacity for such strongly exceeds ours. He has always emphasized the importance of discernment, grace, mercy and compassion. Nothing was forced upon us, choice and autonomy prized, and though there have been some stumbles, even plummets, along the way, I have emerged from childhood relatively healthy and joyful and my relationship with the Lord remarkably intact despite so many witnessed horrors and manipulations even within my own church home - the one espousing Grace and Forgiveness and Love. My earthly dad has only served as a beautiful and challenging human model of my Heavenly Father.
My dad is one of my most favorite people. How many can say that? But I can read the enormity of the impact of the divorce in his tired eyes; I see how it has affected his health. He has not yet remarried and that predilection for self-sacrifice still remains strong, though he is now the sole victim. He has struggled to maintain balance between an emotionally demanding job as a minister and an emotionally demanding job as a single father. He encourages me to write, but does not allow himself the time to pen the thousands of books in his head and in his heart. My sisters and I are now out of the house and living in three very different parts of the country, but he’s still working 60 hours a week ministering, comforting, counseling others.
I can’t imagine growing up without his quiet influence everyday and while I am still very saddened by the circumstance, I no longer look back upon my life and long for something different to have happened to my family so many years ago. We are doubtlessly shaped by the events in our lives and our responses to them, as well as the response of others close to us. I like who I am. It’s been a far from perfect twenty-four years, but I have realized that I would be a markedly different person if certain events hadn’t evolved into a seemingly brokenfamilybeast of a thing, and I thank God everyday for helping us to tame this leviathan of modern American family life - let’s just pray this creature doesn’t become the household pet of the status quo.
Notwithstanding, the number of single fathers with primary custody of their kids is on the rise. As a culture and community of believers, I think we should offer these men just as much praise and recognition as single-mothers - my dad has been both mother and father to me for 13 years now and as I continue to evolve as an independent adult, I still seek his guidance and opinion. Thanks, Dad.
Posted on June 18, 2007 12:00 AM
Comments
Ariele,
A touching, beautifully written tribute to your father. Please write more often.
John
Posted by: John Pattison | June 18, 2007 7:41 AM
Thank you so much for your story Ariele. As a fellow pastor's daughter, there was a lot in your story that brought back memories of my own journey with my father. I really appreciate you taking the time to put into words, things that I have often felt but not known how to express. I think I'll go call my Dad...
Posted by: Melody | June 18, 2007 10:52 AM
Truly touching. Thank you for sharing something so personal.
I think we often expect our parents to be perfect, but as we grow older we hopefully come to realize that they're just perfectly normal and as apt to make mistakes as we are. I guess that's just being part of a family -- forgiving each other's shortcomings, loving one another, and helping each other grow.
Posted by: Stephanie Nikolopoulos | June 18, 2007 1:31 PM
Such a great article. I am a pastor's son and have (or more accurately, am still currently) working through a lot of the same things.
I also know your dad and this was a great tribute to him. He's the one who sent me the link to the article and is so proud.
Posted by: J.J. | June 19, 2007 2:06 PM
What a fitting tribute to one of the most loving human beings I have ever known. But those of us who have known him and have been loved by him could never know what you do. Thanks for your transparent tribute, Ariele.
His three daughters are the best evidence of his devoted fatherhood.
Bless you all.
Please write more often. You have so much to say worth reading.
Posted by: Don Piper | June 19, 2007 2:11 PM
Great job, Ariele! You are an inspiration to us all. Thanks for sharing. Your Dad is special!
Posted by: Vickie Waters | June 19, 2007 6:58 PM
Ariele,
You are an exceptional story teller, and clearly a great writer. I'm shocked that you haven't contributed a piece before this. Thank you for sharing your story and your perspectives.
Posted by: Jon | June 21, 2007 4:28 AM
Ariele, that was a beautiful written picture of your life. Thank you for being so honest and open, look forward to hearing more from you. You have taken a very hard situation and showed all how God works his grace out in our lives, your forgiving and gracious spirit are evident throughout your writings, may all of us that have read this have the same grace with those who are hurting around us. thanks again and God's blessing
Posted by: jacqui | June 24, 2007 2:56 PM
Ariele: you've always been a talented , loving person. I'm proud to be your grandma.
Posted by: Maw Maw | July 3, 2007 12:24 PM
As a youth I knew your mom and grew up a youth under your dad at Barksdale Baptist. He put music to some of my poems. What a inspiring man of God he was and obviously is. He married me and unfortunately my ex whom I was married to for 23 yrs. It is indeed hard and lonely being a child of God's going through something that you know God abhors.
Posted by: Anne Doughty | July 26, 2007 1:06 PM
Ariele, not enough kind things can be said about your father. I'm glad to see you adding your eloquent words to the lexicon. Praise from a child is the most meaningful of all. It doesn't hurt when it's as artfully written as this little piece.
I knew your family in the DFW era. It was a beautiful family with three beautiful young girls. Hearing fragments of the events in the following years broke my heart, but at the same time bolstered my admiration for this quiet little man with the glint in his eye.
I've had spotty contact with David in the years since. Our occasional correspondence always starts with a proud report of the whereabouts and accomplishments of you and your sisters.
I didn't realize until years later how profound an impact your father had on my life and my personal metamorphosis of faith. Thank you for sharing your words -- and your father -- with us. You are justified in praising him, and he in praising you.
Posted by: Eric | July 29, 2007 8:00 PM
I go to Journey, where your dad serves now. What a touching tribute. His "fathering" to me has meant a lot. I always like asking about his girls and love how each of you feel loved and free to be your own person. I did not have that particular freedom in my family - with a mother and father. Good luck with all of your honest accounts. You do it so gracefully.
Posted by: Kate Harrod | September 8, 2007 3:37 PM
Hello Ariele!
Your father deserves such a very touching tribute from his own child. He has touched the lives of many and brought you up a very talented, open-minded, loving daughter.
As your father fare his journey in life with strong faith and compassion, I salute you Ariele, who braved to picture out your family. but I know the Heavenly Father is always with you.
I write this message as being so touched with your tribute on Father's Day as I am also from a "Gentiles Family". I dont know if we are related or was it a coincedence that we have the same Family name.
Maybe your father knew his descendants. I am from the Philippines happen to open and read your story. You are a very good writer Ariele! If you wish to write me here's my email ad genrosie@yahoo.com.ph Hope to hear from you. God bless!
Posted by: Rose L. Gentiles | March 26, 2008 2:17 AM
Hello, Ariele,
I too am someone your dad led as a single person at Barksdale Baptist Church, and even had the privilege of having him sing at my wedding 28 years ago. Although I am also a single parent, I've seen many of my male friends be put into the same position your dad is in. You don't have to be told how special your dad is, you already know that and I plan on sharing your story with some of the young people who are in your situation, who I feel need to cut their dads some slack. God bless you all!
Posted by: Lana Rogers Murray | October 6, 2008 7:51 AM