Shiny Happy People

“Everyone around me…happy, happy.” - Michael Stipe (“Shiny Happy People”)

Shiny, happy people make me nervous. They have it together. They know who they are, their role, their position and their place. I cannot keep my temper, keep track of my keys or remember to say hello to my neighbor. Talking with these folks is intimidating. Hey, I dropped the ball on a project at work this week, yelled at my kid and I don’t know what I want to be now that I’m grown up. How are you?

In my life, I meet these people every day. Smart professionals with advanced degrees, loving couples with great kids, religious folks who are “centered” and neighbors that are just happy to be alive. Some really seem to have it together. They are comfortable in their skin, they have gracious manners and no vices to speak of. They are the civic leaders in the community, respected members of the local synagogue, employees getting promotions. I am sure their lives are not perfect but, by golly, they’re not too shabby, either. Me, I’m hoping the checks clear, praying my kid doesn’t get kicked out of school again, and just trying to get off this damn roller coaster.

Dark Secrets.

Now we all know that no one has a perfect life. It is not only impossible, it is probably unwanted. Some of life’s greatest joys come from unexpected difficulties, frustrations and unmet expectations. I mean, I love Bob Dylan, but I had to suffer through hours of his nasally singing before I could appreciate his great art. Even so, there seems to be a basic disconnect between me and the happy people.

I came across one writer who describes an ever-so-short conversation with someone who has it all together.

“Tell me your dark secret, and I’ll tell you mine.
Oh. Is that your dark secret? Oh well, never mind.” - Bill Mallonee

As one person offers to become vulnerable, the response that comes back is so shallow or guarded that the hopeful initiator is left backtracking and looking for an exit from the conversation altogether. This seems to be a common experience for many when they meet someone who projects poise, confidence and competence. Some folks can come away, not inspired but discouraged. My life is so far from “together” that I wouldn’t know if I could find all the pieces to even begin trying to put it together. Maybe what I need is a new car, a new career, a new spouse. Maybe I’ll take up yoga. Maybe I should see my therapist or my pharmacist.

The Truth.

If there is one bedrock truth that the Christian faith tells us - even preceding the truth of God’s love for us - it is that we humans do not have it together. We are not ok. We are a broken, besotted group. The Scriptures record that the whole history of God and humans is a cosmic act of redemption by God, to bring back into companionship wayward creatures.

Yahweh calls to the Hebrews, I would that I could take you under my wings and comfort you, but you would not have me. Jesus proclaims, I have come to seek and to save the lost. Those who are perpetually secure do not need comforting, those who know their position and their place do not need rescue. God’s love and mercy are of no use to the self-sufficient.

I heard one of the greatest summaries of the human condition a number of years ago from a Catholic writer in response to Ted Turner’s famous quote that Christianity is “for losers.” She noted that Ted Turner’s mistake was not his assessment that Christianity was for losers, but his assessment that Christianity was not for him. We are all losers. We are all in need of mercy, grace and affirmation.

The Flesh and the Devil.

Part of being broken people is that we not only experience feelings of disconnectedness, displacement and shame, but that as damaged beings, we often fail to follow the better angels of our nature. We act out of fear, selfishness and greed. We swear, we cheat, we gossip and we lie. We cannot set aside our spoiled emotions and flawed motives when we act. In our selfishness or hurt, we hurt others, we take what is not ours, we mock what is good, and we punish what is blameless.

In the Christian world, it is not much different. We often hear personal testimonies from believers about the times before they became Christians. Their lives were in shambles, empty or tedious, but now…! Now, it is an upward path of victories over addictions, depression and personal demons.

Despite thousands of testimonies like this the personal experience of untold millions of believers, the writings of the saints and the Scriptures tell the same story: coming to faith does not magically fix you. David led the Israelites in worship to Yahweh, then stole another man’s wife as king and had him killed. Paul was the writer of most of the New Testament and the intellectual force of the burgeoning Christian church, yet amidst communions with God he wrote that in himself he sensed two natures at war - one to do good and the other to do evil. Encountering God, and even walking with Christ during this life, is no cure for a screwed-up life. Jesus himself claims that those who believe in him will be outcasts, hated and reviled. We are not shiny, happy people.

The World.