Movies are the Devil (And Other Christian Traditions)

I remember her bleary eyes and her tear stained face. She was telling me of the outrage, the shock, and the trauma that she and her children had endured, when they went to see “The Lion King”. Honest. A Disney movie had caused this woman severe emotional duress. And I really think she thought the odds of her children growing up to be serial killers were significantly raised because of the scene where Mufasa dies. From here on out, I’ll refer to her as Mrs. Flanders. (This is not, of course, her real name but an obscure pop culture reference.)

This suffering woman’s greatest fear of all was not that she would have to explain death to her children. Nor did violence seem to be the issue. They knew the brutal story of the crucifixion inside, out, and backwards. Rather, it was the idea that the fictional story itself was some type of a gateway drug. That perhaps the seed of Rafiki’s seemingly witch doctor-like religion may creep into their heads, and be in full bloom by the time they were teenagers. In that regard, “The Lion King” posed a threat to Mrs. Flanders’ family.

This is a theory that is not unfamiliar to me. Growing up, our Avon lady lectured my Mother on a regular basis about the evils of The Smurfs, because the main villain had a pentagram in his home. In college, I knew a family who was forbidden to even discuss the children’s cartoon “Captain Planet” because of its Mother Nature-centric plot. Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be conservationists. And today still, I often hear talk of the evils of “Pokemon” cards. Fiction is a feared property in many religious circles, but fiction and fantasy on film seem to pose a larger threat than all of the other mediums combined.

Mrs. Flanders was a member of the church I attended in high school at the time I heard her harrowing tale. I listened, mystified, to her story. I remember trying to feign shock. I didn’t want to let on I thought this was both strange and hilarious, because I wanted to hear the details through her eyes. And it was one of those moments where you aren’t sure if you are hearing what you think you are hearing. Is this woman really upset about “The Lion King”? No, I must be missing something. Maybe some guy snuck into the theater and flashed her and her kids, and that’s why she’s traumatized. But no, it was just the movie. And I have to admit, one of my greatest roadblocks to faith was overcoming the midwestern, rain on everyone’s parade, everything-is-the-devil Christian stereotype.

She talked about how she dragged her kids out into the lobby by the hand and demanded a refund. And would you believe they gave her one? If only I had known they handed out refunds for terrible movies! I wouldn’t still be lamenting my lost 7 bucks over “Catwoman” or “The Jackal”. She was the type of parent who pinned a note to her television that posed some question about whether or not Jesus would approve of what you were watching. (I have the sneaking suspicion that this had more to do with her husband than her kids.) I can’t imagine any shows today that wouldn’t offend the Son of God somehow; TV has become America’s garbage bin if you ask me. I think God would probably be okay with America’s Funniest Videos though. Everyone likes to watch some poor sap get a football to the groin now and then. Hey, for all we know, God invented that shtick.

But where does this real life Flanders mentality come from?

It seems I’ve seen and heard it all when it comes to the clash of fiction, film, and modern Christianity. My mother, who served as a librarian for several years in our air-tight conservative community, had to fight a “Footloose” style battle over the inclusion of the Harry Potter books to the Children’s Fiction section. She also had complaints for showing the kids, “Arsenic and Old Lace” on Halloween because it “glorified murder”. I was guilted for enjoying “This Is Spinal Tap” on the Sabbath one day after holding a bible study in my home. It felt restful to me…laughter is rejuvenating, right? Maybe the scene with the dancing dwarves encircling the miniature Stonehenge tempted someone to turn toward a druid religion.

There seem to be just as many rules about movies within the context of religion, as there are religious denominations themselves. This can get confusing, as one can ever quite feel safe about “outing” their movie tastes in front of Christians. I met a family who was anti-Harry Potter movies but pro-“Lord of the Rings”. Apparently, “Lord of the Rings” was acceptable because it was spiritually allegorical. (Even though Tolkien stated again and again that he did not intentionally write it as such.) On the other hand, Harry Potter was more likely to steer kids down a wrong road of spiritualism and the occult. I was warned against mentioning my love of Harry Potter because it might cause an awkward moment or an impromptu sermon meant to correct me in my wrong thinking. This naturally only made me want to do it all the more, but I usually held my tongue.