Welcome to 2007!

Readers,

Welcome to a New Year, and welcome to a new chapter in the Burnside Writer’s Collective, where we’ll now be featuring weekly issues for your perusal. We’re cheating a bit: those issues will contain less articles than our bi-monthly releases, but overall I you’ll be getting more articles per month. So what are you whining about? This is free!

I’m actually writing this a couple days ahead of time, and former President Gerald Ford died a few hours ago. Losing a president is never easy for a nation’s people, or for former President Ford’s family, but I’m going to (very) shamefully admit that I laughed for a second upon hearing of the death.

I laughed briefly because this is one of my favorite SNL skits.

Oi. Our thoughts are with the Ford family. I don’t know a lot about Ford’s administration.

So, on New Year’s Day, at midnight, I will be proposing marriage to Mindy, my girlfriend for the last three years. She has no idea it’s coming, and thinks I’m just a lazy guy who sits on his computer all day (which is still 90% true). You are the first people to know about this, as I’m going to post it minutes before I actually pop the question. Not to be arrogant, but she’s going to say yes. She’s been bugging me for the last three years.

(Note: The ring above is not her engagement ring. I am not that loaded.)

She might say no, and then I’ll look like a fool in front of you. I’m willing to take that risk. Please pray for us, because anyone entering into marriage needs some help, especially me. It’s time to man up and be a man, they say. So I guess I’d better do that.

Happy New Year, folks, and thanks for entering it with us.

Jordan Green
BWC

One last thing:

Josh Brundage won the first annual Burnside Writer’s Collective Fantasy Football League. As such, he was permitted a space on this letter for trash talk. Without further ado, here’s Josh:

“As champion of the Burnside Fantasy League with the team MommaSaidKnockYouOut, I must say that I saw my victory coming. As soon as Payton Manning took charge of the team on the practice field before week one, I knew I had it won. I had numerous great opponents, with an honorable mention to the Holy Rollers who went toe to toe with me in the championship. The Mommas will be back next year, but maybe the league should impose a handicap against such unsurpassed greatness as mine. In honor of my victory, I have composed a short poem:

No one stood a chance
The league was already won
Payton Manning as captain
the Mommas held the smoking gun
With talent which was unsurpassed
and an ending record of 13 and 3
The league looked on in shame
As the Mommas rose to victory
I should have warned everyone
I never had any doubt
the championship would be mine
‘cause Momma Said Knock You OUT

- Josh”