Absence
Rather than a letter to the editor this issue, we’ve decided to post some prose written by a friend of BWC, Hannah Theisen. Hannah is recently married, and her husband was deployed to Iraq a few weeks ago. Hannah is a great writer, and we asked her to type a simple piece to explain how these first few weeks have felt. In the meantime, we’ll be praying for Hannah’s husband, who is also one of our friends.
a holding pattern, like in a plane, when you wait to taxi and take off, and see the ground shrink below your window and the shadows of the wings sweep the tops of houses, and cars and people, then and only then is there movement.
absence is learning to waltz alone, to recreate routines that were held together by the presence of another. putting pillows by your side to not notice absence - marking off dates in a mental calendar when absence will be no more, brushing your fingers over clothes and your nose over smells to remember presence. reading notes written in a final farewell before departure, kissing the handwriting of the absent. absence is processing loneliness.
unknowns are heavy. lingering around the corners of every “what if” and “what about” hanging heavy like the air on muggy afternoons on any southern summer day. unknowns create trust that clings to every promise, an aching desperate pleading trust.
grief is consuming. though most grief is temporary it dulls the senses. sunny days aren’t so sunny, green isn’t a brilliant color, daisies don’t smile, flowers don’t smell nearly as sweet.
absence is a word that cannot be weighed by other words. it speaks for itself in the depths of each heart as it experiences absences of its own.
Posted on August 15, 2006 12:00 AM
Comments
Hannah, what longing you've expressed! I'll be praying for you guys.
Posted by: Stephen | August 18, 2006 3:43 PM
Hannah,
Loved the way you word the way it feels when a husband leaves for a deployment! Being a US Coast Guard wife who's husband is regularly out 60 to 90 days at a time my family and I go threw the process a few times a year. Though we get him home much sooner then you, the time gone is just has hard on our family, routines change and then have to return again when he comes back. children to young to understand act out and life without an adult to talk to can take it's toll. I truely understand where you wonderfull words are coming from. And will share it with outher who feel the same. I will keep you and your family in my prayers!
Posted by: jennifer pogue | August 26, 2006 10:26 PM