Billy Ivey’s Open Letters to Trojan, Part 2

(Editor’s Note: Billy Ivey is a contributor to The Ankeny Briefcase, and his open letters to Trojan will be featured here over the next month or so.)

08-07-06
Dear Trojan…
She went to bed at 9:00 PM and I got to fold clothes, clean the kitchen and vacuum the living room.

I’m just sayin’…

*****
08-08-06
Dear Trojan…
I just thought you’d like to know that she threw up on the couch. She didn’t just throw up, while on the couch. She literally threw up…on the couch.

I hope you die.

*****
08-10-06
Dear Trojan…
Well, the saga continues…. I passed gas last night, and she kicked me out of the house. That’s right… she told me I could come back inside when I could “learn to not be so gross.”

You’ve even taken that from me, you sonsabitches.

*****
08-17-06
Dear Trojan…
Thanks to you, I evidently do not do anything to “help out around the house” these days. In fact, just this morning, I was yelled at through tears because the dishes I washed last night hadn’t been put away.

Yes, that’s right. The dishes THAT I WASHED were left on the counter all night long.

They were DRYING, you miserable sacks of ineffective crap!

Thanks.