Children In Waiting

As the church slowly relinquishes its role as morality enforcer and shifts its attention to Jesus’ command to love others, many of us are searching for ways to make a significant impact on the world around us. We want God’s love to flow through us freely in ways that literally change the course of another’s eternity. So often, we write out a check to a charity or volunteer a few hours at the local soup kitchen in our quest to spread the love. But, what if we yearn to do more than a random act of kindness here and there? What about you? Are you longing for a way to make a significant, deep impact on our world? Do you have an urge to immerse yourself in a lifestyle of sacrificial love for those less fortunate?

We have a unique opportunity to profoundly change the course of over 118,000 children’s lives - one child at a time. That is the current estimated number of American children in foster care waiting for permanent adoptive homes in the United States. Who are these children? Some children are simply part of a sibling group and must be placed together. Some of them have health problems or physical disabilities. They may be older or come from a minority group. Other waiting children had birth mothers who continued drinking or using drugs while they were pregnant. Most of them have a history of abuse and neglect and suffer from gaping emotional wounds. But, they all are in desperate need of love and a home.

Many readers have already tuned me out because their own fears and insecurities make them feel inadequate - both emotionally and financially - to even contemplate a commitment as large as adoption. Here is the good news, though: Nearly anyone who is willing to make this lifetime commitment can adopt a special needs child. Many potential parents who are unable to adopt through other channels will qualify to adopt a child out of foster care; requirements for adopting these children are far less stringent than those for healthy infants. Most agencies will consider both single parents and married couples. Adoptive parents can be any race or religion. You don’t need to be wealthy. You don’t need to be a homeowner. In fact, the federal government and all fifty states offer financial and medical assistance to families who adopt children out of the foster care system. Even our government is recruiting parents with an all-inclusive campaign, “You don’t have to be perfect to be a perfect parent. There are thousands of teens in foster care who would love to put up with you.” “

Both the Old and New Testaments clearly instruct us to care for and love the poor. But, did you know there are at least 33 specific references that speak to God’s heart for the fatherless? James 1:27 tells us: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress” (NIV – emphasis mine). These precious souls waiting for parents are America’s “orphans”.

Every child should belong in a loving family, and we cannot begrudge a couple who wants to start their family with an infant. But, adopting an infant is increasingly expensive and quickly becoming a luxury only the affluent can afford. Also, in the wake of several widely publicized celebrity adoptions from other countries, many of our own children are being overlooked by potential adoptive parents. The reason? It is much easier to parent a cute, impressionable infant or toddler than to start with a child whose formative years have already slipped by.

Unfortunately though, almost half of the foster children waiting for permanent homes are over the age of nine, putting them in that “hard-to-place” group. The tragedy is this: the longer they remain in limbo, the less likely they are to be adopted and the more likely they are to turn to drugs, alcohol and crime as they move into adulthood. Nearly 20,000 of these children will “age out” of the welfare system each year. Translation? They will be released to the world at the age of 18 with no family, no sense of permanency, and nowhere to call “home”. The need is urgent and overwhelming, but our ability to make a difference is limitless.

When we invest ourselves in living our lives as a reflection of Jesus’ love, God performs amazing miracles, not only in the lives we reach out to, but also in our hearts. In 1995, when my husband and I made the decision to adopt a special needs sibling group of five children - three adorable girls and two spunky young boys - our motives centered around helping them. Little did I know that God was going to use these precious souls to dramatically change the course of my life!

God uses our love for the poor and the orphans to give us a glimpse of His heart towards us. I finally understand God’s deep desire to be in relationship with me. In those extraordinary moments of tender, loving relationship with my children, I get a taste of God’s pleasure in me. I am not waiting for my children to overcome their insecurities and fears before I love them. I don’t demand that they meet certain prerequisites before they can enjoy my company. I want to be with them now. Just as they are. Relationship is all I want from my kids. Really. Just the opportunity to be a part of their lives. To help and encourage when I can. To share in their happiness. And in their sorrows. To enjoy the simple satisfaction of being with them. And to know they enjoy being with me. And that really is all I can offer to God. Me.

I also see how patient the Lord is with me. He continues to love me in the middle of my unbelief and rebellion. My children arrived in our home with an insidious mistrust for most adults. Their emotional issues were understandable, even predictable, coming from the background they did. They had been victims of abuse and neglect at the hands of a drug-addicted mother. It was my belief, however, once they felt the love I wanted to pour out to them, trust would come easily. Did I have a lot to learn! Twelve years later, with most of the children now adults, I am still earning their trust, often slowly and painfully. But, true love stays the course. It always hopes. Always. God demonstrated His love for us in a single act when He offered His son as a sacrifice for our sins. But, He also continues to woo us to His arms - over 2,000 years later.

Most importantly, I now know that God’s love is irresistible. As I have learned to become a vessel for God’s love (rather than loving out of my human frailty), my children are drawn inexplicably into relationship with me. We all crave unconditional love and acceptance - the kind of love God offers. Just as I cannot run from God’s tenacious pursuit, neither can we resist the love He shows us through our fellow humans. In the last few years, God has chiseled out my selfish demands for respect and devotion from my children and has replaced them with His love instead. Freed from the burden of my own expectations, my relationships with the kids have started to blossom. Olds wounds are being healed. Trust is being built. And the cycle of abuse is being halted, so my grandchildren won’t suffer the same atrocities their parents did.

Do you feel called to invest your heart into these kids? You can get started here for information on foster care adoption. There is also an avenue for our churches’ leaders to get their congregations involved. Most case workers are open to a faith-based recruitment programs that promote cooperation between communities of faith and the social service providers, and many churches already have such programs in place. Imagine! Government agencies asking for help from religious groups! One Church, One Child is one of the largest such formal initiatives.

I have learned I didn’t save five lost souls in the foster care system. God knew I needed them far more than they needed me. I needed them to teach me the truths I wouldn’t have learned without them. I needed them to be a reflection of my weaknesses and vulnerability. I needed to love until it hurt, with no conditions attached and no recognition required. For it is there that we truly find our place in this universe.