No Clothes for a Year
There has been only one temptation in the last five months. It was a sweater, a luxuriously soft brown sweater. It had a hoody and a slight V-neck. My hand stretched out to caress it and I wanted to bury my face in it, but I did not want to get kicked out of the mall. My three-year-old niece tugged at my hand and I faced reality once again. Sigh. I left the store and chased my niece around the mall, while my sister went shopping.
A few days later one of my students arrived in class wearing a soft brown sweater, such as the one that almost instigated my downfall. I could not resist it. It called to me like a siren, daring me to touch it, to feel the yarn between my cracked dry winter hands. I had to resist the temptress. Instead I said, “I like your sweater. It looks comfy.”
I gave up buying clothes for one year. In fact, I gave up buying anything I could wear on my body, all for one year. This includes, but is not limited to: shoes, socks, underwear, scarves, mittens, sunglasses, jewelry, shirts, pants and, of course, lovely brown sweaters.
I read a book last summer, Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller (you may have heard of it). He speaks highly of his friend Penny and in fact, he mentions that Penny gave up buying clothes for a year. “How crazy,” I thought. “Why would someone do such a thing?” Sometimes the only way I can understand something is to try to do it for myself. Such was the case with Penny’s adventure.
For six weeks I thought of reasons why I should give up clothes. At the same time, my church was teaching that God is the God of the poor and oppressed. This is why I go to my church - they are good people. One Sunday we were instructed to check the tag of our neighbor’s shirt, in order to see where it was made. Oddly enough, I do not recall that any were made in the USA. I have also spent time reading about Modern Day Slavery and have come to realize that there is a good chance my clothing has been made either by slaves or by grossly underpaid, overworked hands.
This was my first reason to give up shopping - to ensure that no one was working to produce clothes for me, at least for one year. Other reasons quickly followed: to see what it would be like and to identify (in the smallest of ways) with poverty. By that I mean the restrictions of poverty. When I need something, I will not have the freedom to buy it. I have to learn how to make it with what I already have. An important side note here: six months before all this happened, I went through my closet and gave away half of my clothes. Many were items that I kept for sentimental reasons, others were items I bought while traveling, and the remainder were clothes I simply never wore.
I also gave myself some concessions for My Year:
1. I can sew anything I want during this year.
2. I can accept gifts (well, because Penny did).
3. I can buy something on my trip to Kenya in the summer…because it’s Kenya, not the mall.
My Year of No Shopping began September 1, 2006. Before My Year started, I used two clothing coupons and bought basic items to help get me through the year. One of my restrictions was that I was not allowed to beef up my closet before the year started; after all, poor people never get to ‘beef up’ before they face a financial hardship. In reality, I have not purchased anything since August 15, 2006.
Shortly after school started I told my students about My Year of No Shopping. Naturally, they asked me some crazy questions:
-What if your house burns down?
-What if there is a flood?
-What if you gain a lot of weight?
-What if you get married? You’ll have to buy a wedding dress!
-What if you see a shirt that you really like and it’s only 25 cents?
We laughed a lot at their silliness, but I was so proud of the way they engaged with my idea. Soon, they began to ask me every single day, “When did you get that? It looks new. Are you sure you didn’t go shopping?” Their questions were honest yet shocking at the same time. I never realized how much they watched me or took note of my clothes. You see, I am not a fashion diva. My two primary questions when dressing in the morning are (1) Did I wear it yesterday? and (2) Is it cold outside?
My students, more than anyone else, hold me accountable. While I tire of answering, “No, it’s not new. Don’t you remember I wore this last year? I wore it with a different skirt.” I certainly appreciate the dialogue. They are the ones who notice that I am desperately trying to mix and match my clothes, the ones that are aware of my growing creativity and the ones to point out that sometimes I succeed and sometimes I do not.
Obviously, the tensions I experience six months into this journey originate from my inability to buy things that I believe I need. Because of my concessions I am allowed to receive gifts. Ironically, the practice of receiving them graciously has been difficult. Sometimes even acknowledging that I need something is hard for me to verbalize. I do not want to vocalize my needs, as I do not want to make anyone feel as though they have to buy things for me. My first thoughts were to get through this year of fasting solely on my own. But the question always rises to the surface: “How is it going, Diane?” I always answer truthfully, “Well. All my mittens have holes in them and it is -8 degrees today.”
In September I started the year with five functioning bras. Within six weeks two of those bras decided to retire. No big deal, right? I can go 10.5 months with four bras, right? Many women around the world get through life with much less than that. The truth is that it was tough and I was getting really annoyed. Did I want a new bra? Or did I need a new bra? If I bought a bra for myself was I a failure? How would I ever know what a year of sacrifice is like if I give in at the first sign of distress?
I kept the bad bras for a few months but I do not know why. They were only taking up space in my drawer and I am learning a lot about loving empty space. But I held on to them just in case I needed them in an emergency. Who am I kidding? Why in the world would I wear a broken bra in an emergency? I finally released them to their graves.
In December my mother whispered something sweet in my ear. She said, “I have a coupon for JC Penney and it’s for $10 off a single item. I have two coupons. Let me take you to the store, okay?” Bless her. We arrived before noon on a busy Christmas shopping day, which meant we qualified for more savings. I left the store with two new bras worth $60 and my mom only spent $10. Whew.
Accepting her gift was strangely difficult. I felt selfish for needing something so silly and simple as a new bra. Wearing this new item made me feel as though I failed. I was wearing something new. Brand new. Purchased just for me. This was only the beginning. Soon all my socks decided that they wanted to have two holes each, one at the top and one at the bottom. The hole at the bottom proved to be terribly bothersome. I often de-shoe my foot and show my students my holey socks. They laugh at me.
One night after dinner I was at my cousin Christine’s house. I was discussing My Year and the troubles with my negligent socks. She pulled me up from my chair and ran with me clinging to her and sat me down on the bed. She flung open her dresser and dumped all her socks on the bed. “What color do you need?” she said, “Take whatever you need.” Sheepishly, (and after much prompting from my cousin) I began to look through her gi-normous pile. I gathered up about six pairs and she threw in a brand new soft pink pair that she received for Christmas. I wear those pink socks every night. I love them. When I returned home that night I threw away an additional eight pairs of holey socks to make room for whole socks.
It may seem simple to give up clothes for a year if someone gives me what I want every time I voice my need. Allow me to refute that line of thinking. Generally speaking I do not even want to tell people what I need, for fear that they will give me something. I really do not want anything. I want to make it on my own. But my mom asked me for four months if she could buy me that which I desired and it was only when she presented a coupon that I conceded. And my cousin Christine is simply an amazing and generous woman who wants to warm my feet.
This tension of not wanting things but needing them is quite real. I live in a culture where I can buy anything I need whether I have the money or not. This year is teaching me that I need to learn how to accept gifts, how to talk about needs (real and perceived), and about humility. It is tough for me to be the person on the receiving end. I am wearing someone else’s old socks and eventually they will wear out too. Maybe the hardest part is teaching myself that it is truly okay to lean on other people for support, that I do not have to Journey alone, that we are called to live life together. I have learned that if one person has two jackets she will share with the woman who has none.
Posted on May 7, 2007 12:00 AM
Comments
Maybe one of the biggest mental difference between myself and folks with less money is the ability to accept charity. When my elbow was broken recently, I realized (on far less a level) the humility it requires to accept something I need but cannot provide myself with. I can't wait to hear updates on your year! I'm sure you'll learn some interesting things...
Posted by: Aaron McNany | May 7, 2007 8:18 AM
I guess its easy to be a giver because it affords you a certain amount of power and control. Ive desired nothing more than to make my whole career about giving to others but its really only been as long as I've been comfortable. Thanks for writing this, plenty of food for thought.
Posted by: Cindy | May 7, 2007 7:12 PM
It is interesting to me that in the whole wide book of Blue, a tiny mention of an admirable thing a girl I do not know had done stayed on my heart long after the last chapter was read. It is fascinating to me that I am not alone.
I want to thank Penny. God spoke to me through you. I enjoy fashion. I get pleasure from putting on striped knee socks, believing I will be the only one wearing them that day. I believe my choice of dress somehow makes me different. By different, I mean better.
God convicted me of this sin long ago, but I did not pay attention. I thought maybe I should not spend as much money. I cut back. It was not a money sin. I thought maybe I should pay more attention to those around me who were suffering. I gave away much. It was not a sin of neglecting those in need.
I agreed to give up buying anything I would wear on my body for one year. I know fasting should be done quietly. I told a friend at the first request to go shopping. "I think it will be a good learning experience", I said. I knew as I said it, I was trying to impress her.
I went home that night and was angry in my prayers. What was I supposed to learn? Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut? Didn't YOU create me like this in the first place? Arrogance. Directed at my Creator.
That was when I got it. This was a sin of pride. I tried saying it out loud. I use fashion to get love. It felt ugly and shameful. This hip funky fun thing I do every day is very ugly to God. God hates our pride. He has gone to great lengths to humble men and women in the bible. I am NOT different.
As I write this, I am five months into my fast. I need to confess my pride on a regular basis. I wonder if one year will be enough. As I write this, I write with full awareness of my call to the mission field. My family is preparing now. I needed to be broken.
I actually thought my pride was broken. I have had a life-threatening illness for nearly three years. Much humility comes from being unable to care for myself at times. It turns out, dedicating my life in service of others and suffering on a daily basis did not rid me of my pride. It is a big sin and it can creep into many areas disguised as other things.
Only God can rid me of my pride. I must ask for it daily.
Posted by: Kristi | May 8, 2007 7:05 AM
I am definitely learning some amazing things this year. I have 3.5 months go to and cannot believe the lessons that I daily learn. I never would've believed it at the beginning.
I'm actually sewing all my clothes, and that article will (hopefully) be published soon too... for pics you can always check my blog. :)
Kristi, it sounds like we're doing the same thing but for different reasons and consequently God shows us different things. Amazing.
You wrote, ".. fasting should be done in quietly..." and I totally disagree. I haven't been able to find anything in the Bible that should be done Independently. Our God is a God of community, (the Trinity!) and I don't think it's safe or healthy to have a relationship with Jesus independent of relationships with others. For me, I don't know where I would be if I didn't tell people I was fasting. My friends/students have been an incredible source of encouragement to me.
Of course, there is a difference in telling people about the fast. Is it for prideful reasons that we share our endeavors or for accountability?
Thank you for your thoughts.
Posted by: diane nienhuis | May 8, 2007 8:04 AM
Diane,
What a great article! It truly enjoyed reading about your experience! I think I just might partake on this journey myself!
Posted by: Chris | May 8, 2007 9:15 AM
Diane,
I admire your effort to be one less person who is insensitive to the reality of our world. You're right, the majority of us have no idea what poverty really means. Myself included. It's just a word that we know is somewhere else, happening to someone else. And if people get inspired enough, they will go to see the definition with their own eyes. The sad part is the trip ends and they come home. Their inspiration gets distracted and they forget what it was like.
I believe the decision to fast for a whole year excedes the cost of a trip and lasts much longer. The cost is everyday. The discipline to stick to your word and to voluntarily exercise poverty. The choice to truly relate those so far away right where you are. It will teach lessons that hopefully one will remember for a lifetime.
Today I am captivated by such a decision and am ready for such an adventure that so few are willing to take. I have heard God whisphering the idea to for me a while now, and it's time I listen, obey and trust.
I would love to keep in touch with you and dialogue about the joys and struggles of such a different lifestyle.
-Michelle
Posted by: Michelle | May 8, 2007 9:43 AM
I'm glad you took the socks (since I had just been thinking that I needed to give some away).
I'm glad we're related.
I'm glad you're going to Africa - and that we might see each other there!
I'm glad to see God at work in and through you!
Posted by: Christine | May 8, 2007 12:02 PM
Great article. I thinks it is beautiful that you actually are doing this.
I am "middle-class" and have never had an abundance but never had to go without. My husband and I are missionaries to Japan. Learning to live on what other's give you was really hard to begin with. I still struggle with it. People talk about little indulgences they buy at Best Buy or Bath and Body Works and I no longer am able to relate. We only buy what we need.
What I have learned is how much I have to give. When I get something nice, like our fabulous apartment in Waikiki (rented to us dirt cheap by kind friends) we share it. Or food, I share what we have. Or stuff other's want to give away, I save some for those I know will need it. I used to turn that stuff down.
While we are in Honolulu raising support for a return to Japan, we are able to live on a lot less because of all the practice we have had. We do work in ministry related jobs, which are not high paying jobs, but we can handle that. We are used to it. And we love the ministry we are able to be involved with because we're used to living poor.
Posted by: Maya Cowell | May 8, 2007 1:04 PM
Diane and Kristi:
I'm so amazed by what you have shared here. It's so humbling to know that an opportunity God gave me so long ago could have far-reaching consequences in others' lives.
I have learned so much about myself and my culture as I have taken this journey, and it has helped shape me into the person I am today (a work in progress!).
Another thing I am learning is to find healthy expressions of the desires that we have for things. I think there is a creativity and joy that comes with the way we dress and the atmosphere that we surround ourselves with. I think Diane's clothes-making is an example of this. We just have to figure out how to express it non-materialistically, and with a profound appreciation for our ability to have the things we need and the time for creativity.
I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts on how we do this because I am just learning how to find that balance. I'm no artist, but right now I'm finding inexpensive ways to make my own art for my house. It's fun and gives me so much more pleasure than buying some generic thing at a store I can't stand to be in.
Just some thoughts!
Posted by: Penny Caeothers | May 8, 2007 3:29 PM
Penny,
My husband and I painted a (very) abstract heart and threw plant seeds and pepper at it. We laughed really hard at our "art" attempt, but the result was cool.
If you have any friends who are octogenarians, you can probably find some very fun things that they would love to give you. Our house is decorated in stuff we got from our grandparents from the 50's. My favorites: A Helen Curtis salon model hairdryer (brushed silver, stands 4 feet tall), collection of old cameras, twin set of lamps you would have to see to believe, wooden fishing lures - framed by my husband and a funky little red egg timer.
Also, I have kept a pointsettia alive for three and a half years. The leaves turned green and stayed green. It grew tall and the bottom leaves fell off. It looks like a giant bonsai tree. People always comment.
It was nice to meet you, Penny!
Posted by: Kristi | May 9, 2007 7:31 AM
I do not want to interrupt the flow of this beautiful dialogue. I think we need to get messy to understand poverty, act to end hunger, pray for our brothers and sister around the world and listen carefully for what God wants us to do personally.
Diane, I want to be clear about my fast. I share your view on God wanting us to live in community. I am a wife and mother, friend and daughter. I have an amazing church family and live in close company with my community. Jesus is in and around and above all of these relationships. He is also the lover of my own soul. He asked me to examine a part of myself I did not want to look at. After skirting the issue, I looked.
To me, He said this: ?When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.?
I posted my previous entry after prayer and careful consideration. I wanted to bring the issue of pride into the light for others who may need the conviction to address it. When doing good works, we must always be careful of motive. Jesus says this of fasting just after He finishes saying the same thing about doing acts of righteousness before men, giving to the needy, and flashy praying. This is in the sixth chapter of Matthew. In each case, Jesus uses the words ?in secret?.
I let my husband, daughter and closest friend in on my fast. I share life with them daily. I knew I was crossing a line when I told another friend only to impress. I am grateful for your article and the conversation it will spark. I wanted to add another layer to the conversation to cover those who may be tempted to jump in without examining the heart.
Posted by: Kristi | May 9, 2007 7:41 AM
Diane, thank you for sharing about your journey. You've really given me something to think about.
It's funny, I've read BLJ, and I don't even remember the part you are talking about (no offense, Penny). Apparently that wasn't the time in my life when I really needed to hear that. But I think this is.
I can easily identify with Kristi, who said, "I use fashion to get love." I'm realizing more and more that I am letting the wrong things define who I am. Why is it that buying a $20 skirt will make me feel so much better when I've had a bad day? The answer, of course, is that the skirt doesn't make me feel better; it's the idea of getting compliments and being admired because I have something cool, shiny and new that will be out of style in three weeks.
I also just finished reading Through Painted Deserts (another D.Miller book), and a particular passage near the end of the book really struck me. Speaking of God: "Even if I want to run, it isn't really what I want - what I want is Him, even if I don't believe it. If He made all this existence, you would think He would know what He is doing, and you would think He could be trusted. Everything I want is just Him, to get lost in Him, to feel His love and more and more of this dazzling that He does."
If this is true, and I believe it is, then what I'm wanting when I buy clothes is really Him. I want approval, love, appreciation. If I believe that He's a good God, then I believe that He can provide those things. But that's not the way I live.
So, like I said, you've given me something to think about, Diane.
I don't know if I'm going to start my own fast, but I'm definitely going to consider it.
Posted by: Misty | May 10, 2007 9:43 AM
Thank you all for your kind words. This has been a truly amazing journey for me. It always helps to receive the encouragement of others, otherwise I feel like a crazy person every day.
About four months into my story, Don Miller came to speak at a local college. I begged him to get me in touch with Penny. I had so many questions for her! My conversations with you, Penny, have been a gift.
When this year started I thought my biggest lesson was going to be about Materialism...I could not have been more wrong. Instead I'm learning so much about Joy. What brings me Joy, where I find it, what it feels like to be in a JOY VOID...and I am now on the other end of that dark walk. Whew!
I'm also sewing more than ever. Just yesterday my 9 year-old pajama bottoms broke. I'm going to make some new ones tomorrow night at my weekly Sewing Party. :) You should all come over some time!
For those that are interested in continuing this conversation, I am more than willing to engage this topic. It has been a great year for me. If you click on my name, you'll be directed to my blog and you can leave me your info there....
love wins.
Posted by: diane nienhuis | May 10, 2007 9:58 AM
i think we have grown into the fabric of our individualistic nature in society. We feel the need to have everything and not need any help, and any confession of weakness is frowned upon. It is refreshing to hear a voice filled with vulnerability and honesty. thank you
Posted by: Michael Deza | May 15, 2007 1:02 AM
Wow, I am so pleased to have found this article. I too am attempting to go without buying any new clothing for a year. I'm almost two months in and I have come to discover a very interesting thing - I am giving away more of my clothes, household items, books, etc. than I was before I started my "clothing fast".
I have given away many of the items of clothing I thought I could never part with. I have found new life in having a few nice things instead of many mediocre things that were simply filling space. I have become so much more aware of the excess that clutters our lives, our minds, and our souls. I relate to the "fashionistas" of world, as I love art, fashion, trends, however, I feel as if I am breaking ground into a whole new "genre" of fashion altogether. A fashion sense built on minimalism, quality, and practical yet beautiful design. I predict that a whole new "anti-brand name" wave is emerging where the real cool people are "brandless".
Posted by: Anna Martin | May 23, 2007 2:10 PM
Great article.
The part of the article that rang true for me is Diane's explanation of how she did not want to ask for help. She didn't want other people to know her needs and did not want to be dependent upon others.
I was involved with two mission trips that included collecting clothes, taking them with us, then handing them out to people who needed them. Let me tell you, the distribution of clothing is emotionally and physically draining. Eyeballing each person to try to determine the right size and trying to provide roughly equal amounts of clothes to each person is difficult.
The people we were serving stood lin line for hours to receive an outfit. As they came to me for clothes, I saw resignation in their eyes. Yes, they were grateful for the clothes, but oh, they desired a different life! They wanted to be able to provide for themselves and their families, but they could not.
As Diane points out, it is hard to admit we need help meeting our own basic needs. Those of us who have the opportunity to give need to be mindful of helping the targets of our giving to feel dignified and valued.
Thanks, Diane, for a great example.
Posted by: Sandy Houppert | June 12, 2007 9:33 AM
I'm doing it!!
New year's resolution!
The good news - I like knitting & sewing - so I am pretty excited.
Diane - I just had a question for you. You mentioned you read up on Modern Day Slavery before your decision, and I've been looking for similar reads but don't really know what. Would you mind telling me what it was you read?
Posted by: Lyndi W | January 3, 2008 2:31 PM