An Inconvenient Need
Let me preface by emphasizing the routine that I find myself in currently. I eat alone. It’s a 25-minute lunch at the City Market, in my Jeep, by myself, day after day. I like to get outside during the day, out of the office, to recharge. Those who know me best know I am a creature of habit. I know what I should be doing, but I do not do it. I keep my stupid routine like it is my lifeline. If you cut it, I might redline. And the fear of redlining is often enough to keep me in my routine. But I digress.
Today I was sitting in my Jeep, eating my salad while a man walked up to me and asked me if I had any spare change. He was wearing a ragged tee shirt and torn jeans. He had shoulder length black hair with a slight curl and a little scruff on his face. He was missing a few teeth. He asked me if I could spare anything, even a quarter. I immediately looked at him with a quick and thoughtless response. I said, “sorry, I don’t.” Not me. Not this guy. Not me with my blue and white striped collared shirt and my pinstriped gray dress pants and my shiny forest green 2001 Jeep Wrangler with the slightly larger-than-stock all terrain tires. Not me with my clean-shaven chin and my neatly spiked hair. Not me with the freshly made salad, enjoying all the best radio shows at noon. Ok, well, I didn’t say all that, but you get the idea.
He looked at me with disappointment on his face and said he was sorry for bothering me. It was a lie. I flat out lied. I am a terrible liar.
As he walked away, I grew angry. People don’t just do that. They don’t just approach people in their cars and ask for money. People don’t just walk up to the window of your car and ask if you have any loose change. Of course I wouldn’t give him any money. Not a shady looking guy like that. He needs to find a better way to ask that wouldn’t make me so defensive. The truth is, the words came out of my mouth before I could even think, and I was trying to quickly justify them.
As he walked away, I had a change of heart in a matter of seconds. Questions invaded my mind. What am I doing? Why did that just happen? How can I call myself a good person and act that way?
All I could think of was Matthew 25:40. “Then the King will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, anything you did for even the least of my people here, you also did for me.”’ Did I just snub Jesus? Did I just miss the one opportunity to make a difference in that person’s life?
I tried to think about how other people who are “more Christian” than me would have handled that situation, like a pastor or a church elder (another effort to try to justify myself). I told myself that I bet there are pastors out there who would have handled that situation exactly the same way I did, and I felt better. Then I thought that I probably wouldn’t want to go to the church that is led by a pastor who would handle that situation the way I did. Something just seemed backwards.
Initially, I felt that by saying I did not have any money to spare, I was doing the right thing. Like I was avoiding a potentially dicey situation exactly the way I should have. Avoiding all danger. Minimizing the risk. He was a stranger, and he probably was homeless, and he probably would just use the money to go out and buy booze or cocaine or something like that. If I could come up with the worst possible scenario in my mind, then my actions wouldn’t seem so bad. I don’t want to promote alcoholism or drug-use, so it’s a good thing I didn’t give him my money.
But, to be honest, I was partially motivated by fear.
The fear that in giving him money would open myself up to him, and expose me to danger or awkwardness. He was a stranger. It wasn’t an “ideal” or safe situation. Not like a soup kitchen, or just dropping some clothes off at the Salvation Army. I wanted to get out of that situation as soon as I could.
Then I thought about it again. He is someone’s son. He is someone’s child. I thought about the pain that would be in my mother’s heart if she knew that I was walking around Lansing, Michigan with no money and nothing but the clothes on my back and the shoes on my feet. She would be heartbroken. She would lose sleep. She would be so worried about me. She would tell me to go up to anyone I could find and ask for spare change. It may be an inconvenience to them, but she would tell me she doesn’t care, that I am more important than putting people in an awkward situation. She would be praying that someone would be kind enough to lend me some money so I could buy some McDonald’s and not have to walk around town hungry the whole day.
Now, I don’t know this guy’s situation. I don’t know what he has going. All I know is that he needed my help and I flat out denied him. He reached out for a hand and I watched as he slipped away, then quickly tried to convince myself that he deserved it. He caught me at a bad time, and he was going to make me late for work.
Before he was even out of sight, I told myself that if I saw him again that I would give him ten dollars. But I didn’t chase after him. I didn’t make sure he had my ten dollars. If that were me, my mom would have chased me down and made sure that I had ten dollars because she loves me and cares for me and wants to make sure I am caring for myself. But I obviously did not have that kind of love for that man and it gave me a sour taste knowing that I didn’t.
I let him walk away, half hoping that I would see him again and half hoping that I wouldn’t so I wouldn’t have to let two chances slip by in the same meal. One was enough. I inhaled my lunch. Never even tasted it. I walked around for a couple minutes trying to see if I could find him, but he was gone. I drove back to work in a complete daze. Completely rocked. Then I sat down in my cubicle, did my paperwork, typed on my computer, went to a meeting, laughed with my co-workers, and forgot that it even happened until now.
Posted on September 17, 2007 12:00 AM
Comments
Great article. Where I used to live, there were homeless people all over the main street and you could get asked 3 or more times walking a quarter of a mile. The homeless people can become just added scenery to some, but each person is someone who matters. Jesus loves and cares for every person regardless of ______ .
Posted by: Ben | September 17, 2007 5:36 AM
I hate this article. I hate seeing myself in it. I hate the same excuses coming out on my screen that come out of my damn mouth! I hate the fact that I know what to do but have such a hard time doing it. I hate teaching my children my excuses and I hate sharing fear with them.
There are moments of clarity and mercy. Tinges of Spiritual involvement. I was taught to look through "them" as if they were phantom people or dim (yet another excuse).
Pray for me. Thanks for the article.
Posted by: Matt L | September 17, 2007 2:24 PM
Wow..it's as though someone saw what happened to me the other day and was clever enough to put my thoughts into words.
Next time, I'm going to take them to lunch...maybe even get to know them a bit.
Posted by: Gemma F | September 17, 2007 6:31 PM
here, here...
Posted by: Aaron McNany | September 18, 2007 12:13 PM
That was a great article. I've felt that kind of shame too. Now I try to give homeless people money, if I have it.
A lot of Christians I know only give homeless people food. While I think that is great, I always try to give them money because in giving money, I feel that I am giving dignity.
As my mother once told me, "If you're homeless, you need to eat but maybe you just want a beer. If I was homeless, I think I might want a beer."
I've got so many luxuries: IPod, computer, tv, coffeemaker. But the luxury that I take the most pride in is the luxury to choose. Giving someone money is giving them that luxury.
After all, a person doesn't feel broke eating crackers unless they know that crackers are their only option.
Money can cause a lot of problems but I think that a gift of money implies respect, the giver recognizes the receiver's right to use the money as he or she wants. And it empathizes. It puts the giver on the same level as the receiver.
Posted by: Anonymous | September 19, 2007 6:37 AM
whoa! I felt that. What a conviction. Every morning I go running at the gym downtown, and right outside the track on the same bench each day lay this homeless woman trying to get some sleep. To make myself feel good I would pray for her as a ran, but that is just a good cover. I knew in my heart Jesus would not just look out the window and pray, but I rationalized that I could not stop and give her a meal or anything because I did not have time, and besides it was not safe. Now this made me think -- was Jesus ever safe???
Posted by: Stephanie Rowe | September 19, 2007 10:46 AM
I love this article, its incredibly convicting, but not only that, the conversation that it has started here is wonderful. When I was in college some friends and I got together and did some outreach for the homeless people in rochester and we did this by simply walking around the city for a few hours and finding people who could use some things whether it be a hot meal at a local restaurant, or some groceries, or maybe just a pack of smokes. We brought clothes in the back of our trunk everytime so that if someone was cold they could get something warm that was also clean. We were inspired by reading Shane Claiborne's "Irresistable Revolution" and also by really taking a hard look at the gospels and realizing exactly what Stephanie said that Jesus wasn't safe because he loved those people in need and realized that it would cost him something to love them. I am so happy to hear conversations like this going on and I hope that more people can write, and be inspired by artlicles like this so that we can take to the streets and love people.
P.S. Another interesting book about homelessness and two men who wanted to better understand it is called "Under the Overpass" I highly recommend it. Lord be with you all.
Posted by: Chris | September 19, 2007 11:54 AM
I am a full time Firefighter/EMT for the city of Fort Walton Beach Fl., a small beach town on the gulf of Mexico. We have had a large influx of homeless after the last few years of hurricanes and I have treated many of them on emergency and not so emegency calls. Unfortunatley there are the many that make it a lifestyle choice(not that hard times haven't had anything to do with it). We run on the same nonsense calls on them day after day, many times the very same people. They get treatment or "3 hots and a cot" if you will at the local E.R. It has taken a toll on local Hospitals EMS, & PD agencies due to increased fuel, manpower on and on. I say all that to say this...I feel that I am very compassionate person, but it is hard give and give without offering a solution. It is hard to help someone who does NOT want to help themselves...We need to discuss solutions not facilitations. Homeless people are a sad site indeed but we cannot deny the burden they place on the community. We need to discuss how we as believers can offer real solutions and not just hand outs. Next time don't give money, give food, drink, or a job for them to earn the money. I almost will bet they will just walk away instead of making you feel guilty for not giving to them. Let's dicuss a way, I don't know how but there has got to be a better way to help those less fortunate, not facilitate a lifestyle on the street...please feel free to email me your thoughts. Peace- pray for God's word or deed in that very time of confrontation with the homeless and see what the Holy Spirit may impress on you to do or give...make it a moment...
djaystone@yahoo.com
Posted by: dj stone | September 19, 2007 3:14 PM
Last year my parents moved to Chicago from a small town in central Illinois. I remember their excitment as they started going into the city to see the sites and taste the amazing food there. My parents were trying to make the transition from tourist to city life. I belive that this event made that transition sooner then expected.
My dad (a pastor) at church in the city noticed that there were always homeless people waiting outside the church building for the "Christians" to exit. After all, Christians are more giving after they were just moved by the Holy Spirit. (Those homeless men and women saw an opportunity to get money for the week...and took it!) However, my dad one night after a meeting was walking out of the building and noticed one of the homeless guys walking infront of him (he had given money to this guy on many different occations). My dad (being curious) followed the guy. The man stopped at the bottom of the "L" stairs and took a big wad of cash out of his pocket and procceded to count his money. My dad was in awe...he had no idea what to think. My dad walked up to the guy and said "Dude, How much did you make tonight?" The guy looked at him and smiled!
What the Heck??? Why are people so horrible! Giving money to the poor should not involve thinking or excuses..but it is stories like this that cause us to second guess ourselves and become selfish or judgemental. I honestly don't think there is a way around it!
Posted by: Anne | September 20, 2007 10:46 AM
"Be the change you want to see."
Are we obligated to talk with this person and invite them into our own home? Is it our responsibility to try and get to know why they are where they are?
We continually refer/rely on organizations to take in these people, but how often do we donate our money AND volunteer (giving time is worth more than money)? If we aren't trying to help these organizations then we have no right to pass the homeless problem onto them.
Posted by: Remington | September 22, 2007 6:44 PM
I am so torn by this article, torn by experience, torn by conscience torn by a desire to help. My mom saw a guy with a sign "hungry need food".
She went home and made a sack lunch even went back to the store and bought milk and cupcakes to put in the lunch, she gave it to him and watched in the mirror of her car as she pulled away. He looked in the bag and saw that it was food and threw it in the bushes.
I carried that anger for a long time then God told me to start feeding the needy so me and some friends got together and feed 50 or so needy people each Saturday. We partner with our local Salvation Army, we supply the food 'cause their resources are pretty thin anyway and it should cost us something, right?
I am a pastor now and often we get calls at our church by people who are in need. I hate the dance of questions to try and determine if I am talking to someone who really has a need or am I being conned? I am not cynical yet and so I still like to help people and I hope I do get conned now and then just because it must mean my heart is still soft.
We have as Christians a desire and a responsibility to help those in need. I dont see anything in scripture that says to be a patsy. Then it occurs to me how often have I conned my savior, told him my need and he responds with grace, I will never understand what it cost him, and then when the crisis is past I dont change my behavior much too much. I wonder if the angels snicker behind his back that he is being taken advantage of? I wonder why it is still hard for me to give sometimes?
Posted by: jed | September 24, 2007 12:20 PM
Do what your Jesus tells you what to do.
I can understand it when "non believers" ignore me, and turn me away, because they need everything they can grasp onto, as do I.
But when "Christians", do so, I see it as a greater injustice, as they are the ones that are called to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, comfort the hurting, be a light in this dark and lonely world we live in.
I am not homeless, too say...but i guess i can say I am very close to it, and cant say i feel secure anywhere. There is a great evil called society, that kills many young people like me.
The above post is an example, an example of a situation that happens millions of times a day, not just with homeless people on the street, but in homes, in churches, in schools, people that need something, need food, love, friendship, need to be accepted.
people build their circles, and reject those that don't fit into them. i don't fit into any circle, so i know what i am talking about.
the world is a dark place, not everyone see's the "wonderful light".
Posted by: A Reader | September 24, 2007 8:37 PM
Good article, Chad.
"They will spend it on beer or drugs," or "They could easily get a job sweeping floors somewhere," are how I rationalize not doing what I probably should.
Posted by: Ryan Barnhart | October 6, 2007 11:21 AM
great post. really convicting.
here's somebody who"doesn't believe in charity" but gave dignity and luxury to choose to millions of people.
http://www.grameen-info.org/
Posted by: Luca | October 9, 2007 12:31 PM
Honesty is the best way to look at yourself and CHANGE.
Posted by: Anna | October 14, 2007 11:35 AM