Making Sense of ‘Shmashmortion’
Not too long ago I got a text from my friend Andrew, who is a seminarian for a Catholic diocese. (I’m pretty sure this mostly means that he will one day be a priest.) His parish had been asked to fill a one-hour time slot at a prayer vigil across the street from an abortion clinic, and he wanted to know if I could do it.
I was immediately opposed to the idea, although I wasn’t sure why. For one thing, I have standing plans to be in bed at 2:00 every morning, which is when he wanted me to show up. But I’m pretty sure it was more complicated than that.
I had to think about how to reply. Maybe the text went out to a bunch of people, I reasoned, and so I could possibly get away with not responding. But my mother didn’t raise me to behave this way, of course, and so I texted back: “Aw, man, thanks for thinking of me. Don’t think I can, though.” Lame.
“Message sent!” my phone enthusiastically informed me. It might as well have said, “I’ve delivered your message, you soulless, baby-hating skank.”
I’d done the deed, and now I had to wrestle with why I couldn’t bring myself to spend an hour praying for unborn children. I just couldn’t see myself going through with it. I couldn’t see myself praying about abortion, in front of other people, presumably, for any length of time at all.
For some reason I feel completely detached from the whole abortion thing, which I realize sounds insane. It’s not like it’s a culturally neutral issue. For wide blocs of Americans, it’s a litmus test, an indicator of morality. And it’s the catalyst for all those single-issue voters who get on everyone’s nerves.
When I was in third grade or something, my parents had these friends. They didn’t believe in birth control - I think they ended up with ten kids all together - and they had a lot of anti-abortion literature lying around their house. Recently I heard that back when he and my parents were still friends, the husband went to a protest held at an abortion clinic. He and a few others verbally confronted every would-be client who walked up to the front door, saying things like, “Aren’t you glad you weren’t aborted?” One of the younger protesters was slapped with a disorderly conduct charge.
It was 1989. That’s the kind of thing you did if you were a Christian in 1989. You also attended Christian stadium rock concerts and, possibly, spoke to the devil a lot. The smell of Dippity Do, or any alcohol-based hair gel for that matter, reminds me of my dad and his big gold cross necklace. Being a Christian, at least where I grew up, meant being a rebel, a freedom fighter of some sort, to the exclusion of almost everything else. And abortion was the key battlefield.
Somewhere along the way, I got all cynical. I started associating the fight against abortion with the kind of people who aim to make ours a Christian Nation Again, and/or move to South Carolina with possible plans to secede from the Union, and/or see themselves as victims of the oppression of political correctness. (Several of the most vocal pro-life people I know are just as vocal when they defend their right to use racial tags to imply certain negative qualities. You think I’m kidding.) I feel less in touch with this group of people than I did when I was nine. And so I feel less in touch with abortion.
Making my apathy worse are about a million different factors. For one, there’s the way emotion is used as a weapon of both pro-life and pro-choice warfare. I recently saw a MySpace bulletin titled “This is graphic so if you can’t handle it, don’t open it.” I didn’t read the whole thing. I stopped after the paragraph in which Jesus said, “I want you to meet My friends” in reference to aborted babies. This line earned an automatic click of the “Back” button. After all these years of searing debate, I can’t be pulled by the emotions anymore; the nerve endings are dead.
And it doesn’t help that the alternative to yelling and emotional blackmail is complete silence, effectively pretending abortion doesn’t exist. Slate.com pointed out that in Judd Apatow’s Knocked Up, none of the characters were even allowed to say the word “abortion”; Jonah Hill’s character opted instead for “shmashmortion.” Whether the filmmakers chose to avoid the “a” word out of fear of the pro-life backlash or their own moral compunction, I have no idea.
Obviously, again: this is no neutral topic. In fact, abortion has been such a divisive social issue for so long that we’ve codified certain opinions and phraseologies, and I’m not sure how to reacquaint myself with it. I’m not saying I’m okay with abortion. I’m just saying I have absolutely no idea how to relate to it as a social issue.
Last month, I met a foster parent—the good kind. I heard her say, “Son,” about forty times to catch the attention of her ten-year-old foster son. Sometimes her voice had that maternal warning in it, and sometimes it merely served as a bumper to guide him, and sometimes it hugged him. And he is so very obviously growing up so very well.
As I watched them together, I realized that she is doing more to give a quality life and future to a child at risk than anybody I know. She’s done it: she’s found that line I’m always failing to find, the line between talk and action, between indignation and real change.
Maybe my primary responsibility toward abortion is exactly the same as my primary responsibility to injustice in general: to make room in my life for people who need help, whether those people are teen moms or unwanted kids lost in the system or homeless diabetics or Sudanese refugees.
It seems more than possible that I’ll make strides toward re-understanding abortion if I reacquaint myself with that line, the talk-action line, and learn how to overcome evil with good.
Posted on November 26, 2007 12:00 AM
Comments
I know people who are emphatically on either side of this issue. I like to think that if someone is so very anti-abortion, that they would be willing to adopt a child. If they aren't, I, personally, don't think they have have a right to sit back and judge when they aren't willing to help. But that doesn't mean that pro-choice lovers are any better. It's kind of emotionless to just solve a "problem" like pregnancy the easy way.
I had a girlfriend cheat on me when I went off to college. She slept with some guy and got pregnant. This gal (my former pastor's daughter), went through so much pain and suffering, had her baby boy, and ended up losing him a few days after his birth.
There's no place in a situation like that for a debate. Amazingly, our church embraced her and her pain. It was a test of character, and I'm proud to think how my old Baptist church handled it. An issue like this is never easy.
I'm glad you wrote this.
Chris
Posted by: Chris A. | November 26, 2007 6:20 AM
I'm going to share a poem I wrote once. It's based on a true story, as in, I was really driving by a clinic one day and saw a dude dressed up like death. This is what came of that encounter. Maybe you can relate:
On A Corner By A Clinic
Death was on a corner
by a clinic just this morn.
He was holding up a sign,
a bastion 'gainst the "never-born".
When I shook my head and wondered just how hot this guy would be,
he shouted, "It's the Truth!"
as if he spoke to me.
Did he think that I was poking fun
at his hard held belief?
He who stood in August sun
where he'd get no cool relief
As He was dressed up all in black
to give some girls a scare.
Did he think that I was laughing
as if I didn't care
about the issue for which he stood
sweltering in the heat,
pretending to be the Reaper
turning babies into meat?
Posted by: Joshua | November 26, 2007 7:43 AM
Interesting, and oddly I wrote an incredibly bad post on this topic on my blog just yesterday.
This last week, over Thanksgiving, I was talking to a friend who was very, very adamantly pro-choice. Their comment was that they�d listen to Republicans on some issues, but would never ever be able to sit down and talk to someone who was pro-life. The Shane Claiborne story from Irresistible Revolution got told about a family who brought a young woman and her baby into their home in order to give the baby a life and the girl a chance. And they were asked what if that pro-life family that adopts a baby and puts their money where their mouth is wanted to talk. The friend said she�d listen to that family.
At the end of the day the arguments for both sides just go round and round, but really how many people are willing to step up and wonder why people need abortions in the first place and then come beside them and love them. It�s amazing how much more willing my friend was to sit down and listen to actions and not just words.
Posted by: colin | November 26, 2007 8:36 AM
I know a young woman who had an abortion when she was a teenager and feels very bad about it now. I think there are plenty of people whose relationships with Christ could be hindered be Christians who make them feel even worse about decisions they've made in the past. It's our duty to show God's love to people regardless of our opinions of them or the choices they make.
There are many clinics that offer support to men, women, the unborn, and infants. Many are free and operate on finanicial support from churches and donators. Although many of the workers are volunteers, the clinics need money to pay for the building, electricity, furniture, brochures, medical expenses, diapers, and so forth to help those who have been disowned by their family and friends, their churches, and their community. Maybe we should spend more time helping those who want our help than trying to disuade people who don't have ears to hear.
Posted by: Stephanie | November 26, 2007 11:47 AM
I like your conclusion, yelling at people never does anything but alienate them. I often wonder w.j.w.d. about all this?
Posted by: Jeff Cherry | November 27, 2007 10:50 AM
A difficult issue to be sure. I am personally pro-life and politically pro-choice. That is to say I think abortion is never the right answer. I also belive I can't make that decision for others.
What I do think is important is to get behind political/social policies that will result in less unwanted pregnancies. I find too often the people that protest outside these clinics are the same people that support abstinance only sex-education and refuse to teach kids about contraception.
Posted by: Aaron | November 27, 2007 3:29 PM
I don't want anything to do with abortion, but , like Aaron, I don't think I'm the one to make that decision for others.
I also agree completely with your argument that often times the same people who are protesting the abortion clinic are supporting abstinence only 'sex-ed'. And if a woman falls short of that, has sex out of wedlock and gets pregnant, they'll often times look down on her for being a single mom! What sort of system is that??!?
So as Shane Claiborne said, if you're gonna be pro-life, you'd better be ready to adopt some babies and support some single moms.
And people who do those things have my deepest respect. It's admirable when people put their money (and actions) where their mouth is.
Posted by: Kate | November 28, 2007 7:42 AM
Thank you Jessica, for this well-written and honest piece. I grew up in a pro-choice environment and went to an extremely pro-choice college. I identified as pro-choice almost by default. I became a Christian at age 19, and took it as a strength that I didn't immediately become pro-life. Even after I accompanied a friend to an abortion clinic, and felt horrible and damaged by it, I still couldn't bring myself to identify as pro-life.
I felt like I would be betraying my identity as a feminist, and resisted allying myself with people I percieved to be black and white and simplistic in their thinking. It wasn't until I came across some 'pro-life femisim' literature online that I was able to reconcile the two. (One would hope it would have been the experience at the clinic, but alas).
I think this is an important issue that many thoughtful Christians are conflicted about because of the way the view points have been put forth and acted upon.
As other posters have pointed out, if we are to be pro-life, it can't just end there. We have to be pro-mother, pro-child and proactive about creating a culture in which a woman doesn't feel she needs to choose between sacrificing her child or sacrificing her career (or education).
I am also politically pro-choice because I know that outlawing abortion would only lead to dangerous illegal abortions, and would thus be part of the problem, not part of the solution.
Posted by: Julia | November 29, 2007 8:55 AM
I am glad to read all the comments about supporting the single mothers and adopting children. I truly think that is wjwd. I will always be pro-life, perhaps that makes me a chauvinist, but if that is true then I am proud to adopt the name. Abortion is the one issue that prevents me time and again from voting for democrats. After all I am much too poor to vote for republicans!
J
Posted by: Jeff Cherry | November 30, 2007 7:50 AM
Great article. Actions always speak louder than words.
Posted by: Jordan | November 30, 2007 6:53 PM
Abortion traumatizes women and kills a life. In no way does aborting a chid make things easier or better for the woman making that decision. The decision alone is one no woman should ever have to make. With that said, a Christian's reaction on the issue of abortion should be one of compassion and passionate love for those involved in the situations. We should always react. It's two lives dying. The mother and the child. Reaction is good. Am I missing something here? Why is it bad to say pro-life across the board?
Posted by: Lindsey | December 6, 2007 11:45 AM
Boy, Jessica, I can see where you are coming from. I have a Christian friend who said she wouldn't mind if abortion was made legal (giving women the choice). At first I wanted to lash out because I have always considered myself pro-life, but then I thought to myself; "Wouldn't it be better to give people the choice? How is this any different than passing a law saying people can't lie, gossip, or any number of sins?"
I say all this to say that I, like you, am unsure of where my loyalties lie in the political arena as far as abortion goes but I, like you, have decided showing love to the loveless is the best way to go.
Enjoyed reading this, thanks.
Posted by: Wyatt Petzoldt | December 7, 2007 5:53 AM
Wyatt,
In response to your question wondering, "Wouldn't it be better to give people the choice? How is that any different than passing a law saying people can't lie, gossip or any number of sins?" It's different because lying and gossip don't involve terminating a human beings life, abortion does. We're talking about a life here, not water cooler talk.
Posted by: Julie | December 7, 2007 9:15 PM
Unfortunately I was pro-choice the year (1973) that abortion did become legal...Not yet a Christian, (that happened when I was 24, though I was raised going to church)...I didn't have any counseling on the subject, so my 34 year old unborn child is not here to offer his or her opinion on the subject. Fortunately God's Grace did enter my life and I have a wonderful 21 year old daughter that is on the Mission Field...In the end, we can discuss our opinions till the cows come home, but really what matters is God's viewpt. on the whole matter...I personally agree with the people that are pro-action (i.e. somehow helping to ease the burden of those that do choose not to have an abortion by helping them deal with the reality of child-raising or giving up their child for someone else to raise). I agree with helping counsel women (and the fathers of the child also) who are considering abortion to help them see the big picture of their choice...Trying to make someone ashamed of their choice either way will not solve the problem...
Posted by: CJ | December 8, 2007 5:06 PM
My son sent me this link to hear the discussion, because I volunteer in a pregnancy center. For years I've heard the arguments on both sides, and I had an opinion, but I never DID anything about what I said I believed. What I have learned the past 18 months is my parameters have been too narrow -- it's not enough to simply be AGAINST abortion, we are to be FOR life. For every unborn baby, there is a mother, a father, extended family... real lives, grappling with circumstances and emotions and choices no one ever really wants to experience. If we "save" a baby's life but don't show compassion to these hurting people, what have we really accomplished? If we don't show compassion to those who have already made the choice to abort, how have we helped them? If those who have already chosen abortion are in our churches -- and they are -- and only hear about the "evils of abortion" but not about the grace to be forgiven, healed and set free, how will they ever feel safe enough to ask for help there? Life is on both sides of the womb. Sometimes "saving" a life means a decision is made to carry a child, but very often it means reaching out in compassion to people during a crisis and helping them change their direction and change their own lives -- regardless of whether they carry their child or not. Sometimes we have to accept that God is ultimately the judge of them and us, and be content with offering a listening ear, wisdom, resources, and emotional support and, when given the chance, pointing them to the Lord who truly "saves" lives... because those are the things God calls and qualifies us to do.
Posted by: Lauren | April 11, 2008 9:25 AM