It’s Beckhamania!

Jordan Green

Have you heard?…Oh, my gosh…It’s amazing!…Pass it on…Tell your wife…Tell your kids…I just wet myself from excitement!…

On the morning after President Bush gave what pundits are calling, “The Most Important Speech of His Career” (I would tend to believe that speech happened before the war in Iraq), the front page news at CNN.com didn’t give a flying pig about what US Army generals thought about Bush’s plan. No, CNN felt Americans would be more concerned about David Beckham signing with the Los Angeles Galaxy, thereby bringing his faux-hawk and leathery wife to the shores of the Pacific and the bright lights of Hollywood.

And while I’d rather hear about Beckham’s signing than, say, about how President Bush is the next Abraham Lincoln, I have to ask myself, “Why?” Why is it that big a deal that a British soccer player in the decline of his career would make the move to a Major League Soccer club, when it’s obvious he’s doing it for the purpose of self-promotion?

I’m going to throw a wet blanket here. I took a quick look at the Real Madrid (Beckham’s former team) roster, and I counted 5 players who could be considered better, and that’s not counting a whole mess of Spanish players who I’ve never heard of…I’m gonna guess a few of them are pretty good. Beckham wasn’t the best player on the English National Team, either, which is good, because he’s no longer on the national team. Beckham is most famous for his crosses, but can he shoot like his national teammate, Steven Gerrard?

I’m going to stop my pessimism for a moment here: it’s nice to see the MLS getting some big names, even if they are washed up and more concerned about displaying their public eyes in a town that worships celebrity. It would be better to see the MLS hanging on to American talent than buying up former European stars. 14 of the 23 players on the US national team for the ‘06 World Cup currently play in Europe, and the US soccer’s great hope, 17 year-old Freddy Adu, is expected to sign with Manchester United when he turns 18 this year.

Unfortunately, this is the beast of professional soccer. American players need to go overseas to play against top-flight competition, even if it would do wonders for visibility if they stayed here in the US. The US national team’s best chance at bringing the beautiful game to a place of prominence in the States died a violent death at the hands 48th ranked Ghana in the ‘06 World Cup.

It’s my belief American apathy toward soccer is primarily the result of two factors: 1) ignorance and 2) the propensity of soccer players to make ridiculous, writhing-on-the-ground-in-agony dives.

Ignorance could be countered by more World Cups, which bring soccer to the forefront every four summers. While detractors view soccer as boring, this is typically because they have nothing invested in the game; they don’t know the players, they don’t care about the teams, and they don’t understand the nuances of the game.

As for diving, I don’t see that being fixed. The art of diving is akin to a pitcher scuffing a ball in baseball, Jason Kidd taking a charge in basketball, or the entire league getting away with rampant steroid use without the faintest mention in the media in the National Football League. The difference between diving and the latter examples is diving looks weak. Americans hate looking weak, especially to the rest of the world, so watching our boys clutch their knee in horrifying pain, only to pop up to take a free kick, can be fairly despicable.

The point is, David Beckham is not the savior of American soccer. I’m guessing the biggest contribution we’ll get from him is a highly-publicized divorce from Posh Spice, with sordid accounts of affairs with random actresses (please don’t let it be Scarlett Johannsen…she’s such a pure, untouched angel).

—-

Jon Adams

The truth about professional athletes is that eventually, it’s exposed that they are merely human. Bodies break down, skills diminish and stars that once seemed invincible have their limitations exploited for all to see, usually on national television.

This is the price professional athletes pay, a few years of stardom and fame for what will hopefully be a long and happy (read: well paid) retirement. But how many athletes know when it’s time to call it quits? Detroit Red Wings legend Steve Yzerman knew he wasn’t able to carry on, and instead of wasting away for an extra year in the show, he took the high road and hung up his skates. Yzerman’s status as a legend is secure, but what about Brett Hull? He signed a lucrative deal during the lockout to play for Wayne Gretzky in Phoenix, only to have his long-time friend and new coach drastically cut his minutes due to poor play, eventually forcing a mid-season retirement.

Like Yzerman, Denver Bronco’s quarterback John Elway retired the right way, bowing out on top of the football world after consecutive Superbowls. Meanwhile, it seems Brett Favre, another legend, has hung on a year too long. And while people like Elway and Yzerman have gotten it right, there now arises a man who has set a new mold for retirement plans. That man is David Beckham.

Say what you want about Beckham, I am beginning to think he’s the smartest guy in the world. Having fallen out of favour with his club in Spain, Real Madrid, Beckham has signed a 5-year, $250 million deal with the Los Angeles Galaxy of the MLS.

Football purists are calling for his head. They find Beckham’s take-the-money-and-run approach distasteful, but I assure you, he’s making the right move. Beckham has long since realized his diminishing skill, and rather than make shameful final tour of the Spanish league or the Premiership while riding the pine he’s decided he’d rather rake in $50 million a year to be a star in an inferior league.

The transition to Tinseltown makes perfect sense. The Beckham’s are in close circle with weirdo-new parents Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and David himself has long been more concerned with selling his image than he has been with his performance on the pitch. Add to the equation that he has a budding soccer school business in the LA area it it’s easy to see why Beckham would want to bring his game westward.

You may wonder what the MLS wants from an aging former superstar. The answer is intrigue. The MLS is trying to spread their fan base in North America and upon the announcement of Beckham’s signing inquiries were made in MLS cities all over the league. People will come to Galaxy games, not necessarily because they want to see him succeed, but simply because they want to see him.

You may not respect what Beckham is doing. You may say it’s selfish, money-hungry or that he’s taking the easy way out. But the truth is you probably haven’t respected him for years. And you certainly wouldn’t have respected him had he spent the next few years playing sub-par football in a league that surpassed him years ago. So you see, if Beckham can’t have your respect either way, he might as well have it his way. Which is why I think he’s a genius. No matter how many games he plays in the MLS.