Oregonian Against Oregonian

The Civil War game has been played since 1894, and it is the nation’s seventh longest rivalry game. This might part of the reason it’s called the ‘Civil War’…no one could think of the title sooner.

Two weeks ago, when I told Sports Editor Jon Adams I wanted to write about the epic rivalry between Oregon and Oregon State, this year’s matchup was slam-dancing its way to the highest-staked game in the rivalry’s long history. This game would have national title implications. The top offense in the nation (Oregon) would’ve been lined up against the second-best defense (Oregon State). The whole nation would be tuned in.

Then Heisman front-runner Dennis Dixon tore his ACL, and Oregon’s offense turned Saturday’s game against UCLA into a two and a half hour episode of The Three Stooges. Now, instead of a matchup between a national powerhouse and an extremely dangerous upstart, the Ducks and Beavers will be battling it out for the better of two crap bowls.

It’s been worse. In 1983, the Civil War featured NCAA football’s last tie game, played in a rainstorm. The score was 0-0, and not because of great defense. I think there were 20 turnovers, but I have no internet evidence to back that up.

There isn’t even an award to win. The Platypus Trophy, an abstract wood carving created by an art student at U of O, was awarded for only three years, from 1959 to 1962, before being found in a closet somewhere in 2005. The trophy hasn’t been reinstated yet, but there’s an online petition to get the ball rolling. I don’t care if you don’t care: sign it anyway.

I’m a Ducks fan, but I didn’t attend either school. Growing up, my family always preferred the Ducks, but the Beavers weren’t far behind. All in all, we rooted for the State of Oregon. Even as I got older and my allegiance more vehemently followed the green and yellow, I never stopped liking the Beavers. In my ideal world, the Ducks and Beavers would be ranked one and two in the country, and the University of Washington would be dead last.

I think many Oregon Duck fans are in the same camp. For them, the rivalry is good-natured, lacking the intense vitriol of Auburn-Alabama or Michigan-Ohio State (the latter is summed up perfectly in this brilliant commercial). My view of the Civil War rivalry could be wrapped up by the cover of Sports Illustrated’s college football preview in 2001, which featured a comically-grimacing Joey Harrington and a pseudo-yelling Ken Simonton each with the opposing team’s mascot impaled on a brandished sword. Can you picture Mike Hart and Chris Wells taking the same picture? Michigan fans might drive Hart out of Ann Arbor just for appearing with the enemy without a derringer hidden in his shoulder pads. Ultimately, Oregon fans hate the Washington Huskies more than their black and orange neighbors to the north. When Oregon State won college baseball’s World Series the last two seasons, every Duck fan I knew was excited for the Beavs, and even took some local pride in the victories.

Most Beaver fans, on the other hand, absolutely despise the Ducks.

If I take off my Duck sweatshirt for a moment, I can see why. The University of Oregon is the pampered rich cousin to the south, swaddled in a river of money from donors like Nike co-founder Phil Knight. Oregon is the state’s white collar school, specializing in liberal endeavors like journalism, business and architecture. In urban centers like Portland, Salem and Eugene, Ducks are more commonly represented. Oregon State is the agricultural/engineering school, and you’re more likely to find their fan base in rural areas. University of Oregon students smoke pot, and Oregon State students drink. Eugene is a hippy enclave; Corvallis was the birthplace of the maraschino cherry.

“Don’t you think, if we’re slated to go to the National Championship when the Civil War rolls around…Oregon State would almost let us win?” my friend John asked me a few weeks ago. It sounds like a ridiculous question…this is an intense rivalry, right? I couldn’t help wonder what it would be like if the shoe was on the other foot: the Beavers ranked in the top two and Oregon slated for some random bowl game. I’d always root for the Ducks, of course, but that would be a game where I wouldn’t mind seeing Oregon State fulfill its dreams.

“You don’t understand, John. Beaver fans hate the Ducks.”

So, we’re here. The 111th Civil War game has little on the line. In the past, when both programs were struggling, this was the biggest game of the year.

The Ducks would like to salvage what’s left of a season of shattered hopes. The Beavers would like to kick their hated rivals in the figurative ‘nads while they’re down, content to be the unlovable and rage-filled sons of the great State of Oregon.

If the Ducks win, they’ll have a shot at the Holiday Bowl (if Arizona beats Arizona State) or, at worst, the Sun Bowl. If the Beavers win…the far more likely result…they might cover their Duck co-workers’ cubicle with printed OSU logos, but deep down they’ll know they won because of injuries, not because they were the best team.

Who am I kidding…they don’t care. They’re Beaver fans! And Beaver fans are slow and useless and smell like compacted garbage…

I miss Dennis Dixon.