Bowl Watcher’s Guide, Part I

34 bowl games. That works out to roughly 102 hours of football. Nobody can watch 102 hours of football, nor should they. With that many games there’s bound to be some stinkers. You don’t want to get suckered into investing in college football’s equivalent of the NIT Third Place Game. I don’t want that for you either. So check out the first installment of the Bowl Watcher’s Preview, complete with ‘Watchability’ rankings for each and every game.

EagleBank Bowl (Washington, DC)
Wake Forest vs. Navy
Dec. 20, 11 a.m. ESPN

2008 will be the first year for this bowl game, which was originally to be called the “Congressional Bowl”. While the name has changed, two features remain to bear testimony to the original title. First, all food items sold at the stadium will be pork products. Secondly, they are giving out amazing handouts as you pass through the turnstiles. Big screen TVs. Laptops. Fistfuls of cash. Unfortunately, they are only available to CEOs of tanking corporations.

Watchability Rating: 5

Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl (Las Vegas, NV)
BYU vs. Arizona
Dec. 20 8 p.m. ESPN

Just a hunch here, but I’ll guess the BYU players and coaching staff spend a lot less time on The Strip than their counterparts from Arizona. Football with a hangover? Not pretty. Combine that with the fact that BYU is a far better team, and it won’t even be close.

Watchability Rating: 4

New Mexico Bowl (Albuquerque, NM)
Colorado State vs. Fresno State
Dec. 20, 2:30 p.m. ESPN

The only entertaining part of this game will be Weird Al Yankovic performing his utterly ridiculous 11-minute song “Albuquerque” live at halftime.

Watchability Rating: 3

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl (New Orleans, LA)
Southern Miss vs. Troy
Dec. 21, 8:15 p.m. ESPN

Proof that there is at least one bowl too many this year.

Watchability Rating: Unwatchable

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia (San Diego, CA)
Boise State vs. TCU
Dec. 23, 8 p.m. ESPN

All joking aside, this could be the best bowl game of the season. #11 TCU has one of the best defenses in the country and their two losses were at Oklahoma and at Utah. #9 Boise State boasts one of the country’s most creative offenses, and probably should be in a BCS game. No excuse to miss this one either, as it’s the only bowl game on Dec 23.

Watchability Rating: 10

Sheraton Hawaii (Honolulu, HI)
Hawaii vs. Notre Dame
Dec. 24, 8 p.m. ESPN

The only thing keeping Charlie Wiess employed right now is that he gave ND alums an excuse to spend Christmas in Hawaii. After watching their team get destroyed by bad teams in bad weather cities all over the country, the faithful are relishing the opportunity to see their team get destroyed by a bad team in a tropical climate.

Watchability Rating: 3

Motor City (Detroit, MI)
Florida Atlantic vs. Central Michigan
Dec. 26, 7:30p.m. ESPN

Give the car companies that congressional bailout, and throw in a clause that Detroit has to give us a better bowl game than this every year. Seriously, haven’t the people of Detroit suffered enough?

Watchability Rating: 2

Meineke Car Care (Charlotte, NC)
West Virginia vs. North Carolina
Dec. 27, 1 p.m. ESPN

Oh, what could have been. Three of West Virgina’s four losses were by four points or less. Ditto for North Carolina. If a couple of things break differently, either of these teams could have cracked the BCS. I’ll be watching, because this should be a good game. UNC fans will be watching with one eye open however, because a huge UNC win could see Butch Davis getting phat job offers from actual football schools.

Watchability Rating: 7

Champs Sports Bowl (Orlando, FL)
Wisconsin vs. Florida State
Dec. 27, 4:30 p.m. ESPN

Since “Champs” is in the title, I declare the winner of this bowl one of two Co-National Champions. There’s only one thing better than a mythical National Championship: a mythical Co-National Championship. The only reason to watch this game is for the undoubtedly lengthy interview/feature they will have on FSU Saftey/Rhodes Scholar Myron Rolle.

Watchability Rating: 5

Emerald Bowl (San Francisco, CA)
Miami (Fla.) vs. California
Dec. 27, 8 p.m. ESPN

Poor Cal. They have to stay in the Bay Area for Christmas and don’t get to go anywhere warm. Nothing fires up a football team like being held hostage in Northern California all winter. Playing a Miami team that has looked bad even in its wins does not make for compelling viewing.

Watchability Rating: 3

Merry Christmas and Happy Holdays!

* * *

The Burnside Writers Collective fundraising campaign has begun. If you can donate a few bucks, we’d be grateful. Here are a few ways we want to say thank you:

Donations under $35: A Burnside sticker.

$35-$59: A copy of Donald Miller’s upcoming book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years and a Burnside sticker. The book is due out in 2009. We may or may not be able to get copies before they hit the stores. Regardless, you’ll get when we get it.

$60-$99: An autographed copy of A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, a book of your choice penned by one of our contributors* (list of options below) and a Burnside sticker.

$100-$199: An autographed copy of A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, two books penned by our contributors, a Burnside t-shirt and a Burnside sticker.

$200 or more: An autographed copy of A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, all five books penned by Burnside contributors, a Burnside t-shirt, a Burnside sticker and your name listed as a Burnside Patron on the new site.

The Second installment of the Bowl Watchers Guide is coming next week.

Posted on December 22, 2008 10:11 AM